Monday, October 31, 2005


Wow, did work suck today. Frantically busy and I came up $200 over at the end of the day. Balancing my drawer is my pride and joy at work so this is a sore blow. I hope it comes to light tomorrow. Plus we had to be in costume, so I had to explain mine many times. At least my cookies were very popular--of all the pot-luck stuff brought in, they were the first thing gone. Nobody I work with bakes.

I have come to the startling realization that I need to lose a little weight again. I pulled on my "big comfy size 10" cordoroys yesterday (cuz of the period) and now they fit perfectly. So, I am swearing off the following for awhile:

Starbucks and Borders mochas etc.
cream sauces

Until they are baggy again like they should be. No need to go blimping out now. This will dovetail nicely with my twin goal of NOT SPENDING MONEY on nonnecessities. My finances are not in good shape. This month my Discover card is being grounded. It's going to SIT IN THE CORNER for the month and think about what it's done. It's been very bad. So, oatmeal for breakfast, yogurt for lunch, and green tea at Borders until I'm flush and svelte. Or at least until the size 10's are appropriately baggy again and my DC balance is zero.

Eddie Izzard has a great skit about public speaking being 80% how you say it. I know he's right because we're watching Bill Maher. I actually agree with Bill on maybe 90% of his stuff, but I don't like the guy because of how he says it. Same with Dennis Miller. They're so angry and whiny. Why can't liberals be funny without being so damn self-righteous? I guess they're not really worse than the conservatives--it's just that I turn them off before I can even get mad.

But, tomorrow's a day off! I think I'll....decide tomorrow how to spend it. Mmmm. And tonight is nice. D built a fire--he's great with fire--and it's a nice cool night. If there's one thing I like about our apartment, it's having a fireplace on All Hallow's Eve; I think it sounds better that way. Spooky. Eventhough it's just a beautifully quiet evening. Ah well.

Sunday, October 30, 2005


It's 7 Sunday and I'm baking chocolate chip cookies, topless, listening to Janis Joplin, and having such a good time here that I almost don't want to leave for this party. I need the cookies for the work pot-luck tomorrow and some for the party tonight. (like me! I bake! like me!) My cookies always come out 13 to a sheet. It's kind of weird, like I can't put an even dozen onto a cookie sheet or something.

Oh, because I don't have an apron and didn't want to get flour on my sweater. And because it's more fun this way.

Honey, I love to go to parties/ And I like to have a good time,
But if it gets too pale after a while/ Honey and I start looking to find
One good man./ Hmm, don’t you know I’ve been searching,
Oh yes I have!/ One good man,Oh ain’t much, honey ain’t much,
It’s only everything, whoa.

Wow, I amazingly sound nothing at like like Janis, more's the pity. But nobody's here but the dogs and they don't care. My dad's newest book just came out and he gave me a copy to have. I guess I'll read it but boy do I dislike Hemingway. This is it:
"Party" was totally lame. I should have trusted my intuition that I'd have more fun staying at home finishing the cookies instead of going to hang out with over-enthusiastic drunk people. You know how they are; they LOVE you, your the COOLEST chick ever, these cookies are the BEST. They were pretty boring. D has left his cell here at the apartment so I can't reach him. I guess I'll just finish up the cookies, take a hot bath and go to bed so that I can face the music tomorrow morning.


I've just finished reading a book called Julie & Julia, a non-fiction about a woman who decides to make every recipe in Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking within one year in her tiny apartment kitchen. I loved it because this is the kind of thing I'd think of doing myself, and because this woman cooks the way I do: ingredients splattered all over the stove, walls, floor, fridge like some kind of violent crime scene, sweating, swearing like a sailor, total intimidation by huge hunks of meat, and episodes like this:
"... when realizing at the very moment I'm meant to add boiling milk to the rapidly darkening roux that I have not in fact put the milk on to boil."
I've done that. (more than once.)

People who don't enjoy cooking assume that to enjoy it is to be good at it. That's nonsense. You could love baseball even if you batted a (what's a bad baseball score? a 1.0? it's like GPA, right?) I enjoy bowling even though I usually bowl less than 100, because to me it's a social thing, a change of scene from a barstool. I love to cook, I cook enthusiatically; but no, I'm not great at it. That's the impression that this Julie woman gives-- that it's a labor of love.

So, now I'm in the mood to butcher an ox and cook it for dinner, but I've been invited to a party instead. I don't think they'd appreciate ox so I'll bring beer instead.

I got to sleep in extra late today because of Daylight Savings reverting to normal and b/c of my period, which gives me the right to say to HELL with it, I'm sleeping till noon, with the heating pad and some of D's prescription muscle relaxers. I didn't even notice that it was 4 or 5 days late this month, because why would it matter? Using that ultra-fail-safe birth control called abstinence means that I haven't been counting days. But as far as that goes it might be getting better soon. I think. D seems cheefuller of late, and less-in-pain than he was before. He's at work now doing the end-of-month report stuff.

Why does the heating pad say that you can't put it between yourself and the bed? That's so stupid. Of course that's where it goes.

Well if I'm going out tonight I have to get ready for tomorrow, I'm opening at the bank for the first time in months. Must iron clothes, wash dishes, pack lunch because I'll be useless in the morning after sleeping in for so many days and having to be there before 7:00 in the morning.

Saturday, October 29, 2005


Yesterday was one of those really hectic days that ended well. I had to go back to work, which felt weird. Vacation felt more natural, so I'm starting to think that maybe I should just be a lady of leisure instead of a working stiff. Still working out the details on how to do that though.

Rushed home from work to shower, make a double-batch of brownies, etc., while D took a nap. I let him sleep too long and he woke up so grumpy that even brownies didn't help. So, it was pretty surprising that he ended up having a great time at the halloween party later. Even dressed as a dementor. The whole party was so reminescient of the ones we used to go to (and have) in Vermont that we have started a theory about "bookstore people" being the same breed everywhere. D has dubbed Professor Lockhart and all his friends as "real people". This is one of his highest compliments, and 'real people' are harder to come by down here in Texas. One thing I like about him is that he doesn't require supervision at parties and things--I can leave him talking to someone or out smoking and go somewhere else. Some guys want to be glued at the hip all the time which gets old. I was pretty nice about the smoking, too; only the barest minimum of carping, griping, bitching, nagging, and general guilt-tripping about it. So, a great time had by all, or in this case both. Yay!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Costume Fiasco

ARGH. I'm having the worst luck with costume stuff. I might as well spill it now; my original idea was to dye my hair red and be Lily Potter. But my hair is apparently impervious to red dye; I followed all the instructions and it's still resolutely brown. Poor D--he was really looking foward to me as a redhead. Almost indecently so, come to think of it. So, I'm having an 11th-hour costume change that involved a long trek around the mall collecting the stuff I need. I hate the mall. Hate it. Plan B should be pretty cute though. D is definitely a dementor now. We fixed the face problem and I'm sewing the robe up tonight.

This week is going by very fast. Vacation time should be slower I think.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Vacation- heh

I finally feel like blogging again--I don't know what was up with the last few days. Maybe, by not working, I just didn't have anything to vent or rant about! I'm annoyed now because my Halloween costumes just aren't working out as planned. I was going to order some things off of but I've never used it before for that (use it all the time for the book reviews, just don't buy stuff) and when I read the fine print it turns out that "ships in 1-2 days" doesn't mean that that's when it gets to your house, it means that's when it gets to Amazon for them to ship it. I guess I waited too long but I always thought that they shipped really fast.

So, today I shall go to craft stores and party stores and the mall to make up for the online fiasco. It'll be fun. D and I had a problem with the dementor idea. I realized that it's not just a cape--they have really scary deadish faces underneath, which would require either a mask or a lot of makeup. Masks are no fun; they make you all hot and irritable, plus you can't really see, talk, eat, drink...

D hates the idea of makeup, says it reminds him of the army and wearing camo a lot. He says that the army doesn't give you cold cream to take it off, you have to buy it yourself, which I think is mean. ("All you have is that "nighttime" look and that's a bit slap-dash."--Eddie Izzard re: the 1st Transvestite Batallion or something) Because a dementor would be full-makeup, not just a little eyeliner or something. D's afraid that in the cloak without makeup he'll look "more like an Ewok" than anything else. Aww, my little hobbit. Professor Lockhart, you should expand your party theme to include LOTR, yes? D would hardly need a costume at all, maybe just a green waist-coat and some glued-on foot-hair.

I've been cleaning my apartment for the last few days. The fact that it's not done yet should indicate how bad off it was before. I'd neglected the aquarium--it needs another water change today b/c there's so much stuff in the gravel plus several new plants that haven't been chewed on. I was relieved to do a fishventory and find all present and accounted for. Hardy little things. KK brought her new hand-held carpet shampooer (sp?) to do our stairs--her puppy has made it resemble nothing so much as a Jackson Pollock painting. "Dog Owners' Stairs in Yellow and White". Now they look really good except for the vertical parts--the steamer doesn't work on those.

KK has me a little worried actually, just b/c we've been seeing so much of her lately. She's been spending every evening over here, which isn't like her. And which may be why I haven't written my blog come to think of it. She's usually so social; spending so much time holed up with her sister and brother-in-law (to be) in our apartment is odd. But, she did say that she's completely broke and we feed her when we can. Darn vegetarians--you have to plan ahead or be creative when feeding them. D did a chili last night, with meatless chile (chile non carne, hehe) for her. Well, she did go that NIN concert last week, too. It just seems that ever since she and her boyfriend (to be called Asshole in future reference, or drug-addicted, lazy, directionless, not-good-enough-to-even-look-in-my-little-sister's-direction, will-shoot-to-kill-on-next-meeting...well, Asshole is more succint) and moved into an apartment sans gay-best-friend early summer, she's over here a lot. I hope she's not lonely in her place or something, even though it's nice to see her.

Well, off to shopping expedition. It's very important to make the pet supply place the last stop, otherwise you have this baggy filled with water and plant material to deal with. Live and learn, I say.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

No more margaritas.

Hmmm. I have realized retrospectively that my last post might have been misleading in a wink-wink sort of way. I didn't mean that I was happy in a "yay-D's-back-in-my-bed" sort of way; if that were the case I'd come right out and say so as is my style, so to speak. He's been feeling a little better lately though and has been in a better mood, which is certainly contagious. And of course I'm exited at the prospect of having a week's vacation. My super-good moods worry me a little in the same way that the depression does just because I can't tell where it's coming from either way. Why am I feeling down today, or why am I so giddy? It's two sides of the same coin. Both sides are mild and stable enough not to be anything nameable, like manic depression or something.

I went out last night with a friend from work with a big bunch of her friends to this place that gives away margaritas because they have no liquor liscense yet. I had three small ones (not those huge mugs or anything) but for me that's a whole lot b/c I have no alcohol tolerance at all. Any drug tolerance, actually. I find it quite convienent most of the time, but then I've never been anywhere that refills your margarita glass when it's empty as though it's iced tea or water. I came home buzzed and happy and D laughed a me a bit in a kindly sort of way.

Unfortunately the feeling didn't last; I couldn't sleep for anything and had bad nightmares, woke up with a headache that lasted most of the day. A sinus headache, not a hangover.

Went to Borders, bought two new Agatha Christies and a mocha. I read one while I was there too but it read funny; very stiff-sounding and not like the others I'd read. Turned out that it was actually an adaptation by someone else from a play that she wrote, which explains a lot. You can't really adapt a play into a novel very well. Christie always has insights into people's thoughts (what's that called, omnicient something) and this book was all conversation and observation, plus it all seemed to take place in one room-the set. Also explains why the plot was so easy to figure out that I got it in one.

Online today I found the work of this girl who does Harry Potter artwork--it's so good! She's only 19 and lives right in my neck of the woods (or endless suburbia). Link to her site:

I'm going out with my best friend soon, she should be here to pick me up in a little while. I haven't seen her in some time so we've got a lot to catch up on. It's funny that we're still good friends because we're as different as could be in a lot of respects. But we've been BBF's since seventh grade pretty much (back when we said stuff like that) and it's always good to talk to her, even if she did vote for Bush. Twice. I think that we'll stick to coffee and stay away from margaritas tonight though.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Happy mood

I don't know why, but all day I've been in the best mood. Almost too good- bouncing around annoying everybody I work with, cheerfully rejecting checks and smiling at the grumpy customers. I can't believe I have next week all off, and my referral goal for the month is already met so I don't have to worry about that. One of my coworkers had some chocolate in the freezer and gave me some--she said later that maybe chocolate isn't good for me. Makes me happy though! KK left her dog with us overnight last night b/c she went to a NIN concert and got home late. D was happy about it--I think he'd like to keep that dog if we could. I wouldn't so much.

D fixed the mistakes I made on the desk and sanded it all smooth. I have to repaint a lot of stuff but it will come out nicely now. I can't wait to get started again on it--I just need some uninterrupted time to get to it.

I've been on an Agatha Christie kick lately; read another one yesterday. I always get so close to figuring it out. Next time I'm determined to get it--I think I'm onto her strategies. There's always one piece of evidence that only comes from one sourse. The murderer in every one so far has been right in the thick of things--a family member or lover. Next time I'm going to slow down, read carefully, and figure out the whole thing before the denoument. I'll buy a new one Thursday my day off.

Last night was roast beef; tonight is Roast Beef Returns. Roast Beef Strikes Back? Roast Beef and the Temple of Doom? It's sequel night!

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Field of Dreams

Watching Field of Dreams right now...what a good movie. Right now Kevin Costner is trying to kidnap James Earl Jones using his finger as a gun. Yesterday I had a James Earl Jones sound-alike in the bank. I almost mentioned it but then I figured he probably gets that a lot. (Did you know you sound like Darth Vader?)

I don't know if I would be as patient as the wife in this movie. I'd be more,
"what do you mean you want to plow under the corn and build a professional baseball diamond for ghosts to play ball on? Are you NUTS?"

I got a letter today from Grandma thanking me for the apple-cake I sent for the new year. She said she's been trying to call me, which I thought was weird (I haven't gotten any unknown calls lately) until she wrote the number--it's half mine and half my parents' which doesn't add up to a whole number at all. I don't know how much she knows about cell phones so she might be leaving messages on some stranger's message machine. I'll write her back with the right number Monday. If only she had email!

Now Costner's just walked out of a motel room right into the past, to interview Moonlight Graham. What's great is that I never see this movie all the way though, so I don't remember what happens next.

Today actually went really smoothly at the bank. No real problems, no terrible customers, nothing. I could use more shifts like that. I'm really looking forward to my vacation week. Getting stuff done, lazing around, making my Halloween costume; it'll be great. And I'll get paid for it. Never in my life have I had paid vacation.

D was just telling me about something he read in the paper about how men with potbellies (like him) cheat less on their wives. I think this is probably true, but he doesn't like my view that guys like him just have fewer options. They look more happily-married and well-fed. I don't think I could trust a married guy with a six-pack--why is he trying so hard?

I love how this movie treats time as something plastic, so that a driver in the late 80's can pick up a hitchhiker from the 20's. Past and present are intermingled seamlessly. It's all about tying up loose ends and resolving past issues. It's not really about baseball.

Tomorrow is my day off--of course--how does the time go by so fast? Where did this week go? I feel like the older I get the faster time goes by, and I'm only 24. (and 3/4s) It's great how the bank is closed on Sundays. All the jobs I've held in the past were 7-days a week. Maybe tomorrow I can work on the desk some, build a drawer or two. I'm in the mood to bake...a cake, brownies, I don't know.

The young hitchhiker has just morphed into the old doctor in time to save the little girl, but he can't go back again. James Earl Jones is going with the ballplayers "out there", the misty land beyond the corn. It's great how this movie is set in what seems like the most boring, least mystical place ever.


So, to keep things friendly, I'm going to have to ignore the first 4/5 of my day that included the hell that is the bank on Fridays. I came home and had to shower forever, just going... get work off of me...make it go away...people suck.

I realized today that the best thing about driving is being able to sing along with any song on the radio using that "my car makes me invisible" mindset. Because who cares who sees you singing along, pounding the stereo when necessary, to something like Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" or Pearl Jam's "Better Man"? They'll be gone by the next traffic light, right? (Here I go again on my own, going down the only road I've ever known....) My voice is embarassingly awful so the radio has to be able to drown it out. I actually made Alice howl once, singing along with Aerosmith's "Dream On." Arooooo!

I have to work again tomorrow, but Sunday is off at least. And Saturday is a short day. So yay!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Etc. tired. Work was just hectic today. Our computer system just upgraded, which changes a lot of our procedures so everybody was freaking out. "Oh my god! How do we do this! It's different!" It's hilarious how some people automatically dislike and are scared by anything new without waiting to see if maybe it's better than the old was. Hello, it's an upgrade--it's supposed to be streamlined and easier to use, to save our time that costs the company so much....

On the plus side, the alarm-guy was back today to tie up loose ends. I took a poll among the girls, and he is adorable, so it's not just me. He brought me a new clip for my personal alarm and I felt very special. Although it is part of his job, I guess. Ah well. Vance was there as well to fix something, because that bank is falling apart always.

My back hurts. Sympathy pains for D? A long day standing up, or the whole long week? I don't know, but it wants a hot bath and a heating pad. It's very grumpy right now.

D and KK and I went to dinner-Chili's- which was fun. He and I have been spending too much time a deux lately, it was nice to have her there to lighten it up a bit. Plus, she's one of the few people that he really enjoys being around, so I think it cheered him a little. I got incredibly silly and out-of-it by the end of the meal (just tired, not drinking) and when the bill came I somehow added $38.46 + $7.00 and got "$38.53.46" That's not even a number! Pretty bad for a banker. I'm just glad I caught it before we left and fixed it. I was also about to leave my credit card in the bill and my to-go box on the table. Argh.

D had his MRI today and they aren't painful generally, but he can't lay on his back easily so laying down still for half an hour was awful. I hope he gets the results back soon. I really want to go to bed or to bath but he needs to do an employee evaluation for somebody and I always type those for him b/c he can't type--it would take him half the night and the words would be misspelled. So, on to evaluation writing.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Acorns and Doppelgangers

I got to take Alice on the Long Trek this morning. We're loving this autumn least, Texas' version of fall. I forget every year that she eats acorns until it's acorn season again, and I realize afresh what a truly weird dog I have. She loves them.

At the bank there was some young guy from the alarm company testing and re-wiring all of our alarms (dozens, literally). I hate it when people say "literally" when they really mean "figuratively". It's one of my peeves. I mean that there are at least 2 dozen individual alarms in the bank. It was strange because we have an all-female staff and we talk, know, everything, especially in the back working drive-through. This guy was super quiet and kept creeping up on us, so he caught quite a bit of interesting girly conversation...I think he's scared of us now. Usually the only guy we see in the back is Vance-our-fix-it-guy. He's totally used to us and nothing would faze him. He's there all the time because the bank is falling apart at the seams. (figuratively.) Vance fascinates me a little because he's a freakin' doppelganger for D. Not just because their jobs and abilities are similar...they even look and sound similar, and their minds work alike (in what I've seen, obviously I don't know as much about V's mind.) I once was telling Vance about something D did--b/c he (V) was squished into my workspace replacing a switch--that involved D getting an electrical shock;

"There was this chest-freezer in the hotel, back in the day when we both worked there, that had somehow become electrified. Engineering was called--D--and somebody explains that anytime somebody touches this freezer, they get shocked. D tests this by immediately reaching for it, and getting zapped."

Vance's response is this: "Is your boyfriend a Gemini? We Geminis have to find things out for ourselves."

Well, D is a Gemini, actually. Weird. Doppelgangers. Anyways, it turns out that half of our under-counter alarms, the ones we would hit if being robbed, weren't working. I feel so safe and secure now. What other safety features are completely defunct?

I made chicken-fettuccini-broccoli-alfredo tonight--pretty good. Pre-prepared sauce, though. I have to be at the bank 10:30 tomorrow. Will we do Long Trek again, or go to Borders, or stay home and sleep in? The possibilities for a late morning are endless...

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Banking blues

The day after a bank holiday is always rough, today not an exception. The only good thing about it is that on these days time goes by really fast so that 9:30 to 6:15 flies by in no time. Why are people so rude to bank tellers? It's not out fault. YOU SUCK WITH MONEY. You do. You overdraft your account, keep a negative account balance, and wonder why the bank puts holds on your checks. You bring in foreign drafts and get pissed off that we can't do them in the drive-through. Hello, we have to call for an exchange rate which takes forever, so bring your stupid 16-dollar Canadian check inside, please. And OF COURSE there's a long line, everybody rushes to the bank on Monday (or Tuesday as it is) because they've planned badly and have to cover checks already written. So get in line and shut up about it--if you were smart you'd come on a Wednesday. And yes, we talk about your bitchy behavior and imitate you after you leave, just like the salespeople in any retail store would.

Thanks, that felt good.

I came home tonight to a home-cooked dinner--is that redundant? I mean not KFC in a bucket but pork chops on the grill and fixins. AND a clean fridge. I love my sweetie.

Note to self: bringing the murder mystery to work to read on lunch break was a bad idea--to put it down and go back to work was wrenching. D says the reason I don't use bookmarks is because I tend to read books in a single sitting, and he's right. This is why I never got good grades in school and never "performed up to my potential." There's always something more interesting to read.

Now I must go to bed--and finish And Then There Were None. Have I not mentioned till now that D has taken to sleeping on the futon in the living room because of his back? He's got an MRI thursday and then they'll decide whether an operation would be the way to go. I'm at the point where anything that could help, anything, would be good. The firmer futon mattress helps him sleep some, and I suspect having the whole thing to himself doesn't hurt either. (hurts me a little though...)

Tomorrow: Long Trek with Alice, for a much-deserved Starbucks concoction.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Costumes et cetera

Watching HP and the Prisoner of Azkaban with D now to get Halloween costume ideas. Unfortunately they made Fudge's outfit in the movie a demure black instead of the lime green and purple ensemble he wears in the books. I actually don't like this movie that much because they change so much stuff from the book. Like the werewolf. The book specifically says that werewolves are practically indistinguishable from wolves. In the movie Lupin becomes this tall two-legged thing that looks nothing like a wolf. And the kids go around in muggle clothes the whole time. Whatever.

D is looking at Fudge, McNair, a dementor, Lupin, or Sirius Black. I think it'd be funny to see a rather short dementor wandering around clutching a beer. Plus a dementor costume would be super easy. McNair would involve procuring a scythe.

I didn't do much today; a little laundry and cleaning, a trip to Borders, dinner with my folks. I'm really enjoying this three-day-weekend thing...I could get used to this. It's so relaxing. I may even still clean the aqarium, I think the cory cats are looking at me accusingly and two plants have uprooted and floated to the surface. KK gets off work soon and she wants to hang out tonight too.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Lazy Day

What a nice, lazy kind of day. Slept in late, went to Cafe Brazil for breakfast with D, worked on the desk all afternoon. That was actually kind of frustrating. I am trying to put it all together now and it's proving so much harder than I anticipated. All of these trim pieces have to be nailed and glued to the outside of the desktop and nailing stuff is a lot harder than I remember. I bent at least 3 of the nails in half, plus I dinged up all the trim with the hammer and scratched it with the clamp I was using to hold the trim till I could get the nails in. So after this I'm going to have to touch up all the paint. Again.

On the bright side, it turns out one way to get D to laugh is to storm into the apartment and declare, "I'm not as good at nailing as I am at screwing!"

Usually, my entrendres are intentionally double, but my mind was totally on woodworking so it took me a bit to figure out what he was laughing at. Speaking of which, the language of construction is very masculine, isn't it?

I wondered today whether last night's blog was a little too personal, involved...but now I think that's stupid. What's the point of journaling with censorship? I may not have sex in my "interests" page--a la Professor Lockhart--but it's still as much a part of my life as anything else. (Or at least the idea of it is...maybe not sex itself...but yeah.) How can I keep any kind of journal if I don't mention my period, ovulating, fights with my fiance, LONG DRY SPELLS...whatever is on going on in my mind or my body? Isn't that the whole point of this experiment?

Friday, October 07, 2005

Read at your own risk...really

I'm starting to see a theme to my blogs: I went to title this one "arrrgh" only to see that I've done that one before. This one is also a repeat-title...if you didn't pay attention last time then tread carefully...

I found out last night that D is not just depressed from the pain, but from sex, or lack of. Turns out he's worried and upset about the fact that not only has it been awhile due to herniated-shoulder-thing, there's no end in sight to his condition. It's been...(counts on fingers) three weeks since the dead-of-night ER-visit (which of course was following several weeks of excruciating-but-not-hostipal-worthy pain) with no real improvement in all that time, even with the physical therapy and all the drugs. Poor guy is worried that he's not doing his 24-year-old fiance (me, duh) much good and is worried that...I'll stray, I guess, or start to resent him, or explode with pent-up frustration, or something. D actually called me a nymphomaniac, which I think he meant as a compliment even though is obviously not true. Really. (Sexy nymphomaniac....that's complimentary, right?) And of course, he's a little frustrated himself although I think the pain takes his mind off of it. Reassured him as best I can that this is a temporary situation (God, I hope so) and that I'm here for the long haul...if I don't explode. I know how good he'd be to me if this situation were in reverse.

I'm a little worried that something like this happening so soon after his 40th is bad for his psyche or something...he's always seen himself as being 19 or so really (don't all men?) and this is quite a blow to his ego. He's always bounced back before, even to back injuries. It's making him feel his age for once, which isn't really a good thing.

On a funnier note, he got to chase off another guy tonight (or so he says) which hasn't happened in ages...probably not since we stopped hanging out in bars much. Kid a little younger than me comes to the door selling newspaper subscriptions, which I turn down. This is a real accomplishment for me as I usually get sucked right into anything being sold door-to-door. They're always trying to earn money for trips and stuff. Anyways, doorbell rings again 3 minutes later and D gets it this time: same guy, who just stammers a bit, apologizes and leaves. D said later that he (newspaper guy) looked really surprised to see him (D) at the door and probably wanted to see me (Mara) again; I think he probably didn't mean to get the same door twice and got mixed up. Either way it was funny.

This weekend shall be wonderful--after three days off anything will be possible at the bank and etc. We are going to take a (slow) Long Trek with Alice tomorrow, I'll finish the desk...yay!

sex. Sex! SEX! (just had to get that off my chest.)

Thursday, October 06, 2005


Great title, huh? Sounds better than "normal day graced by novel".

I read a good murder mystery today, Agatha Christie's Evil Under the Sun. (Thank you Professor Lockhart, for the reccommendation!) It had one of those endings that you just don't see coming, and then it seems obvious in retrospect. How did I miss that? And that?

I've read a few others of her mysteries but now I think I want to read all of them, especially as they are so short; a few hours at the most. D got all exited b/c he's not a reader by any stretch so a book he liked really stands out in memory; apparently And Then There Were None really impressed him back in high school. He kept saying, "that sounds just like it!" until we looked it up on-line and found that it's also a Christie mystery. So it's next on the list. How did we go without the internet? D and I use it constantly to look up stuff that we'd otherwise just let go, because we always get into these debates about random facts, like when do salmon die, how old are silverback gorillas, does the Amazon cross the equator, when did Janis Joplin die...(I'm usually right. Thank you, internet. Except when the answer lies somewhere in those 16 years...then I just say, sure you know the answer: you lived through it!)

I am loving this beautiful weather--if only it could stay like this! I should look into relocating to Seattle or London, somewhere with plenty of rain and wind. Nice. D and I made a great pesto-chicken-pasta dish tonight and I taught him about pesto because he asked. He wanted to add pesto to his "repetoire." awww.
"Okay sweetie, this is the food processor. It is your pesto friend!"

He kept trying to eat the pine nuts straight out of the pan before they made it to the pesto but there were enough to go around.

So all in all a great day and night. Mmm.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Dinner debates

Monday is Columbus day! I didn't realize, but it means I get a three-day weekend, because I get Saturday off again. Wow! If there's one nice perk about working for the bank, it's getting all the bank holidays off. I can use the time to finish the desk, clean up the apt. (still!) and start working on Halloween costumes for D and me. Fun stuff, except for the cleaning. It makes the rest of the week easier, seeing that coming up. And I can wear my costume to work on Halloween! There's even a contest.

I realized that dinner has actually become a stressor between us. When I was working all morning shifts, I had the afternoons free and used them to go to the store and cook. D made dinner 2 nights a week supposedly, although I don't remember him filling that quota often. But since I got switched to later shifts, getting dinner on is harder and requires more forethought if we want to eat before 10. So last night, I proposed that instead of just winging it, we decide ahead of time who cooks when and when we go out, so that I'm not annoyed about wanting to eat out and getting something else, or both of us wanting dinner but not to cook...

Since I made the pot-pie last night, tonight was D's turn, which he solved by taking me to On the Border. It was really yummy...mmmm. It was nice knowing all day that I wouldn't have to drag my tired self to Tom Thumb and glare at people (because 9 hours at the bank makes me misanthropic) and cook in an already-messy kitchen. I don't mind making the bigger contribution, because I'm the better cook and I cook healthier stuff generally. I just want him to help. Planning ahead is a help.

Why the hell do we still celebrate Columbus, anyways? Introducer of slavery, colonialism, and disease to this continent; spendid, really. Can't we move on as a culture to more appropriate icons?

So, two more days at work till a three-day weekend, in my second-favorite month of the year. It's all good.


I do feel a little better than yesterday. Mondays at the bank...they're just bad. Today was peaceful but a little boring. Made a chicken pot-pie for dinner, it was pretty good and will stretch to another night easily. My goal was to be in bed by 11 every night this week until I feel better (less down) but I've already missed it; I didn't get home from the bank and grocery until after 7, so the casserole wasn't done till D needed some help with his work, which took awhile. But tomorrow night, D's cooking, so.

Who knows how to convert "MCF"s into "therms"? Well, I do, now. Who even knew what a "therm" was? not me. (One therm is like 1,000 BTU's or something.) What's great about the internet is that you can Google "convert MCF into therm" and get 300 hits explaining how to do it. FYI, one MCF= 10.19 therms. Stupid budget forecasting. They shouldn't make building engineers work with spreadsheets and numbers, it's like making pro atheletes talk on tv. They're bad at it and it's painful to watch. Sometimes I think I get more use out of all my Excel training helping D with stuff than I ever have with my own work.

I've decided to let the desk rest a little while I get the apartment cleared up to the point where I don't want to cry or move (house) when I look around. After all, who wants to move a new piece of furniture into a mess like this? Working every night past six makes it hard though, because evening is when I have the least energy and motivation. But I shall try.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Happy New Year, Ya'll

Not what I'd call a great weekend, really. Spent Sunday working on the desk and was relaxing between paint coats when I suddenly remembered the cake I wanted to bake for my grandma. It's about 7pm when I call mom and dad for the recipe (confusion all around; there are three apple-cake recipes on the page I remember and dad doesn't bake) and rush to the store.
Tom Thumb inspires my rath by 1) not having Rosh Hashanah cards in their card section and 2) not having the good, refrigerated kind of pickles. I mean come on, people, this isn't that hard. I can't be the only one who forgot to buy her grandma a New Year's card the day before the holiday, can I? And Tuna Mac isn't very good without the pickles. They add the crunch and salt.

I stayed up past midnight making the cakes and got up this morning sore to the bone and tired still. I guess spending so many hours kneeling and squatting on the concrete garage floor is affecting my joints and things. It's fun painting but I am going to be more careful from now on--my back, knees, neck...everything hurts.

Between D's grumpy pain, the mess here in the apartment, the season change... I'm definitely feeling the down-swing of the old up-n-down. I've got this anxious nervousness in my gut (really) like I've forgotten to write a paper or something, this free-floating dread that I can't place. What am I waiting for? D thinks it might just be him stressing me out and he's probably right, but it's an awful feeling. It's funny, fall is my favorite season but I can practically time my blues to the decreasing light, even here in sunny Texas.

This is the beginning of a fresh season, a new year, but I'm not feeling it yet. Maybe because we aren't going to temple services this year, or because I've always associated the fall semester with the new year and I'm still adjusting (after two years!) to not being in school. Maybe clearing out the apartment, finishing the desk and moving it upstairs, and starting for real on the quilt will clear my mind and reset.

Now, the cake is sent (garuanteed delivery by noon tomorrow) and I am about to go to bed (early) and I've just had a long, hot, bubbly bubble bath so I'm a little better. I think I will try to tackle the apartment this week because it's getting me down. A little yoga, some hot tea, and a long sleep and I'll probably wake up sunny again. Here's hoping! :)

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Migraine hell

I think migraines are one of those things that you forget about until it's too late. I only get them maybe four or five times a year and it's been months since the last one, so yesterday I wasn't prepared when it came our of the blue. One minute I'm at work, happy and energetic, the next thing I know...pain. The kind of pain that I forget is out there until it happens again.
I think it is part of the universe's way of keeping us on our toes and from getting too arrogant. "What? you had plans for this weekend that didn't involve going to bed at 8:30, "sleeping" (HA!)until 10:00, and not coming out of this fog of pain and nausea until mid-afternoon the next day?" Ha! I laugh in the face of your plans!"

(For some reason the universe/God/voice-in-my-head sounds like either Mrs. Black from high school or Mel Brooks, depending. The Mel Brooks is especially annoying, life having my life directed by some little man a la Wizard of Oz. If he starts wearing costumes, I'm getting medicated.)

So, everything I was going to do yesterday and today, like eating dinner, going to Home Depot, writing my blog, saving the earth, etc., had to be postponed and replaced with writhing in pain and yelling at D for, hmm, bringing me medicine and things. He was walking loudly or something...I can't remember. It's all foggy. On the bright side, they usually last around 24 hours, which it has been now, and only every few months, so maybe that was it for a while. I hope I'm not pushing my luck to say that. (Mel Brooks is laughing at me.)

Now, it looks like not much will happen in the garage b/c tomorrow I was going to make a apple-cake to over-night to my grandma for Rosh Hashanah-- the Jewish New Year for any goyim out there--which is early next week. I was torn between the cake and cookies, but it should be ok, right? Overnight? She says the food served where she lives is awful even if it is kosher. Probably because it is. I hope that when I'm 94 I'll be as tough and present as she is.

Erin, if you're reading this, I just realized that Mrs. Black from high school IS PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL! I've known all along but just realized's why she felt so familiar from that first book! What do you think? Can't you see her in the stern black robes and hat?