Thursday, June 28, 2007

Yada yada yada

Still not much going on. Pregnancy takes over my mind, so that everything else seems unimportant and therefore not worth writing about. Had this overwhelming anxiety the last few nights, not a rational anxiety, like "OMG I don't want another miscarriage", but this kind of free-form, random, non-specific anxiety, like the whole world was just crashing in on me. I am usually pretty even-keeled so I don't know what it is. Pregnancy? The extra hormones? The combination? Who knows.

I don't feel very pregnant yet. It's probably not good, that the only personal comparison I have is a pregnancy that didn't work out. It's strange to be pregnant twice in the course of 4 months. Makes it too easy to compare/contrast, with no time in between. It's not that I want to feel miserable, but it would be a relief to get some of the morning sickness or whatever that indicates a real live pregnancy. I want to know what's going on in there, to feel pregnant in my body instead of just in my brain, where crazy emotions are making me nuts.

Work = normal. House= wreck. Me= tired and grumpy and trying to snap out of it.


ayla said...

Even when I had morning sickness, I still didn't feel "pregnant", I just felt sick. But I think that's my own hangup, since now I'm firmly in the second trimester, the baby's moving, and I still don't feel "pregnant". Now I just feel tired. So yeah, my own hangup. But I totally get what you mean.

Aunt Sally said...

Why not try to enjoy feeling "great", though tired? I never had a sick day with either of my pregnancies. Never felt better in my life! Honest. Of course, you're going to be hesitant after what you've been through. But give your body - and your emotions - a bit of a rest and just let Mother Nature take charge. One day at a time really does make sense, sometimes. Take care and keep us posted. You know we're all pulling for you.