Sunday, July 01, 2007

I'm hungry, are you cooking?

The nasty mood lifted and the physical symptoms descended, all at the same time. I guess the hormones affect the mind before the body? I don't feel so apathetic and overwhelmed as I did; I feel more in control. For example the thought of having to do the dishes, wash some clothes and clean the kitchen does not make me want to hide under the comforter and cry as it did last week. This is progress; it is being pulled back from the brink of the nasty depression. Don's take on it: of course you're feeling psychotic, in addition to all the regular hormones you're shoving extra ones in!

But those are supposed to be filling a deficit, so it should all come out the same, right? Anyways I'm taking them with mind-numbing regularity; it's amazing how easy it is to remember the meds when it's such a life-of-death matter as opposed to getting rid of strep throat or something. Probably the first time I've ever stayed on a prescription for more than a week without missing a dose.

Friday I looked in the mirror at work and realized that I have a glow. I thought that was just a myth, and old-wives-tale. I've been worried about my belly popping out before I'm ready to tell, about my boobs giving me away, when my secret is written across my cheeks for any observant person to read. It's like a sunburn but more even and kinda shiny. And the nausea and overwhelming obsession with food have arrived on schedule.

I feel a little lonely and isolated, probably because I haven't told anyone in my family about this pregnancy yet. Wanted to hold onto the pregnancy for a few weeks first, although that makes little sense; the last one didn't end until 10 weeks along so what good is holding out a few more weeks going to do? Yesterday I decided I'd tell my mom but I completely forgot that she and my brother are travelling to Peru for a couple of weeks, doing a Boy Scout trek along the Inca Trail among other things. Some daughter/sister I am, huh? To forget about a trip like that? So she calls me from the airport a few hours before I'd planned on calling her with THE NEWS and I couldn't tell her; the timing was all wrong, we could barely here each other. They will get back shortly before my ultrasound, so maybe I'll just call after that, either way.

The ultrasound is scheduled for two and a half days before the Harry Potter release. I know that for any normal person, this would not be a conflict of interest. Have I EVER claimed normalcy? Normal is overrated. I am afraid that if it's good news (you know, there's a baby with a heartbeat and etc) it will overshadow THE BOOK. What if I can't concentrate, due to overwhelming joy/happiness? On the other hand if it's bad news, it could poison the whole HPexperience! I guess I'll just have to set the whole pregnancy aside for a bit, to read.

And, Don will be out of town on a business trip then, so he can't come with me; I'll have to call him afterwards. I couldn't have picked a worse time, but waiting even another week to know what's going on in there would kill me, which would totally defeat the purpose. Honestly, if I could just take a nap and wake up on the 18th to go to the doctor's, that would be great. Right now I need to go eat something... again.

1 comment:

Benjamin said...

I'm so glad you're abnormal! of course, it takes one to know one. I got your message, but I was at work all day. I'll call yuo soon. Much to discuss. I understand we can expect two deaths in book two. I have a very bad feeling about who it might be.

I hope all is well with you in the other, more important areas of your life. As always, I am rootin' for ya.