Wednesday, March 05, 2008

My crazy inner workings

Amazing. Eleven short days after a miscarriage, and I am ovulating again. It's as though my body has already forgotten the pregnancy (brief though it was) and is raring to go again. I guess I should be grateful, that at least that aspect of my mysterious feminine parts works efficiently and well, but instead I feel out-of-sync. My mind is still grieving, but my body is looking for action. With both of the previous miscarriages, I had anovulatory cycles afterwards; after the second I had several, to the point where I only became fertile again many months later. It's what I was expecting this time, too, but I guess this pregnancy was too short to have any lasting impact on my system.

I've read that many miscarriages happen without the woman ever even being aware that she was pregnant; now I can see how that could happen. If I hadn't been paying attention, tracking my cycle, peeing on tests; if my period could have been two weeks later than expected without my noticing, then I suppose the whole thing could have gone unnoticed. It certainly wasn't physically painful or traumatic. It's only that it breaks the rule of three that it's so painful at all, I guess-- you know, one is an anomaly, two is a coincidence, three is a pattern-- that it raised our hopes and got us thinking, 'maybe, maybe this time, it could happen'...Maybe this means that once we figure out what's wrong, it will be short work to get pregnant again.

In the meantime, I'm enjoying my time away from work, and the time it gives me to think things over (and write about them.)


aquarian said...

Just wanted to drop by and say I was thinking of about you. Hugs from Dallas. -- aquarian on MDC

MindfulMama said...

Just thinking about you and digging your blog...