Monday, March 24, 2008

Habits die hard. I still turn down alcohol, even though I could drink. Still check labels on food, calculate my folic acid intake for the day, avoid the evil trans fats. Still occasionally take prenatal vitamins, fish oil, vitamin D. I reason that all of these things are good for me, at least, but they're not done with the intent of being good for me; they're done with the intent of staying baby-ready.

I've been spending a lot of money lately, since the last miscarriage. Generally I'm decent at saving my paycheck, since I'm not that materialistic, and too bone-lazy to shop if I don't have to. Now it's just slipping through my fingers and I'm not sure why. Books and magazines, clothes, foodie treats. I know that I can't shop my way back to happiness or oblivion, so why the self-delusion? It feels like my inner preteen is rearing her head, screaming "I DESERVE this!" "And THAT!" "And a COOKIE!" But it doesn't work when it's your own money you're spending, or your own diet that you're sabotaging. It's self-defeating, and I'm trying to rein it back in. Heck, I need all my money right now, for the tide of medical bills that are starting to arrive. It's definitely time to stop indulging myself and get back on track.

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