Sunday, November 05, 2006

Sunday night update

Don's gone for the week, staying with his parents for his mom's operation and etc. So for the week, I'm utterly on my own, in a town where I know nobody and am only working 25 hours! What fun. Actually I don't think it will be too bad, because I've got a ton of stuff to do. There are still parts of the house (ok, most of the house) that need unpacking and organizing attention, including MY room-- the study/office/guestroom/second bedroom/whatever. I've got some vague plans for a sewing table in there, something really simple. And I've got an idea to brighten up the kitchen, which is entirely stark white. And I'm writing another essay, by request this time. So between that and the lovely Internet surfing, the week will go fast.

I've been reading other peoples' blogs lately: I'm just discovering this enormous blog-world out there, not blogs like this one that are written sort of privately, but those that are really written for public viewing, with tons of hits and comments and ads. Some are really good; 'real' writers you might say, funny, deep, touching. Some aren't. I know that a lot of people don't want to share the real names of their kids, spouses, etc but some of the 'code names' get really annoying and hard to follow: initials, random words, Busy Baby, Thing 1, The Man, etc. It makes it kind of hard to get interested. It's so much better if they can use a name (not necessarily the right name), or nick-name that makes sense.

I've been trying to step back from the whole 'former best friend' situation and get some perspective, but it's hard. Mainly because when I really care about someone, there's this warm fuzzy feeling when I think of them, whether it's my mom, a friend, Don. Just a random, flitting thought, accompanied by a warm feeling. It's like an instinctive, physical reaction rather than a rational thought. I keep getting this dull ache and I forget why, and then I remember, but there's this disconnect: it's like I'm thinking... "why do I feel so bad, oh yeah because of [her] but ... She's the warm-and-fuzzy-,-best-friend-feeling not nasty-bitter-feeling-in-pit-of-stomach" ... I can't reconcile it emotionally, the switch from 12 years of thinking of someone as a close, trusted friend to thinking of her as the bitter and hostile woman who wrote the email. I know it takes more than a week to get over a relationship that lasted over a decade, but I'm not used to mulling over something so much.

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