Random facts and questions

1. So far, who did you talk to the most today? My coworkers Kristin and Anisa.
2. What is the best name for a butler? George. All butlers should be named George.
3. What is the thing you are picked on most about? Hmm. I'm not really picked on much. My family teases me about being soft-hearted, sometimes they try to make me cry.
4. What was your last weird encounter? We get weirdos at the bank all the time, it's hard to pick one incident.
5. Do you remember the part from Bambi when Bambi learns to say bear? I can't remember. That movie sucked.
6. How many good friends do you have? One fewer than I thought, but still enough to make me happy
7. What’s the weirdest thing you have ever eaten? I'm such a picky eater, I don't eat weird stuff, really.
8. What color are your socks today? This color.

9. What is your favorite word that starts with the letter G? Gumption. Grand. Gabrielle. Garden.
10. Who do you blame for your mood today? Finishing my essay/ having an essay requisitioned for a REAL BOOK/ this beautiful weather/ the weekend's imminence/ getting hired at my new second job/ my pretty new jacket/ getting to vacation with my family next month.
12. What is something scientists need to invent? Better water-recycling systems.
13. What is the closest object to your left foot? My right, they're crossed at the ankle.
14. Who is your favorite President? John Adams


15. Do you have an inside joke that has to do with numbers? No. My jokes are all word jokes.
16. What is the longest amount of hours you have slept in a row? About 17.
17. What story do you tell most often? I re-tell ALL my stories... it's part of my charm. It'll come in handy when I'm an old lady
18. How do ugly people make you feel? Either compassionate or disgusted, depending whether they're just unfortunate-looking or like really grungy and gross. Hygiene and grooming count for a lot.
21. What are the posters on your walls? No posters yet but approximately one kajillion framed photos of family, friends, favorite places, family, vacations...
22. Say two words that rhyme: silly-billy.
23.Do you use online terms in real life? OMG! TTYL! No, not really.
25. Do you think this year will be better than the last? Absolutely. I have a feeling of impending change and wonderfulness.
26. Who is the 1st person on your incoming call list? My little sister.
27. Do you know who Salad Fingers Is? I didn't, but I just Wiki'd it. Looks very strange.
28. What is the stupidest thing you have ever done? Oh my goodness, I have to CHOOSE? How about locking my keys in my car? Getting my days mixed up and missing an exam in college? Forgetting about Daylight Savings Time and showing up an hour late for work?
29. What is your favorite commercial of the moment? I hate all commercials.
30. What are you looking forward to? My vacation in December with my family. Getting married next year. Buying a house with Don. Starting our family. Tonight and tomorrow.
33. What do you like to do when you are alone? Mainly read. I read all the time. I've been writing more. Sketch floor plans of my future houses. Daydream. Take Alice on long walks.
34. Who are your 2 favorite characters on Coupling (the British version)? Jane and Jeff.
35. What is missing from your life? Babies. Lots of cuddly babies. And real estate.
36. Would you be ashamed if you wore hippie clothes? Heck no.
37. Grab the closest book, what does the 7th sentence on the 23rd page?
38. When was the last time you slept with a stuffed animal? Maybe 3 nights ago?
39. If it was your last day on earth, what shoes would you wear? Whichever... I don't think I'd think about it.
40. Do you own a Super Nintendo? Never have.
41. What do you think of Law and Order? One of my favorite TV shows. It actually shows the difference between solving the crime and getting the criminal successfully prosecuted. The other crime shows all make it seem like once the police know who done it, the criminal will spontaneously confess and go to jail.
42. Can you name all 7 dwarfs? No.
43. Have you ever pretended to be Jewish? Why pretend when you're the real deal?
44. What was the last thing you thought you lost? My sanity.
45. What were you doing at midnight last night? Trying to sleep.
46. If you had a ball of clay what would you mold it into? A tiny dragon.
47. Do you have any famous relatives? I hope not.
48. Have you ever been cool enough to:Press all the buttons on an elevator? How is that cool?
Bake with an easy bake oven? Ditto.
Gone to school when you didn’t remember you had the day off? No.
Ever owned a Spirograph? Yeah, I love those things!
What was the last....TV show you watched? Alton Brown's Good Eats
Thing you bought? My lovely new corduroy blazer-jacket-thingie from Eddie Bauer. I wanted it in Dallas but it was too expensive. Then I came here and it was on sale!
Person that spent the night at your house? Probably my little brother, when our parents were out of town.
Song you sang out loud? ACDC's You Shook Me All Night Long. It's "our song".
Time you ate ice cream? Last night... This Be warned that the brownies, while delicious, aren't very 'magical'.

Revision

It's funny, but sometimes when I set out to write a post it comes out completely different than what I meant to convey. Like last time... I meant to describe my weekend: Don and I wandering through the university Friday night, so that he could see where I work; driving around the countryside Saturday and discussing the possibilities of buying a house way out there in the country; of going down town later for gelatto and getting caught in the rain, huddling in a doorway with our gelatto and watching everybody in the street make a run for it; going grocery shopping on Sunday "just to get something for dinner" and walking out and hour and a half later with meals and meals and meals' worth of food, just to stock up. I meant to convey the coziness of having a rare, complete weekend together, and instead I said something like, Don and me had fun! Blar blar blar!

Ah well. He cooked a great dinner tonight, pork chops. It gave me time to work on my STUPID ESSAY which is DUE TOMORROW and is NOT GETTING FINISHED. WHY am I doing this again? Ok. Panicking over with, back to work. Soon.

I've decided that if the bookstore decides to offer me the position, I'll take it, even with the low sad pay. 25 hours at (low sad pay) is still more than nada zip, and it looks like a fun job.

I've figured out something about this town that makes it feel so different than Burlington, when on the surface they seem pretty similar... it has to do with the location of the respective universities. In Vermont, the school is right up the street from downtown, and the downtown mall/ Church Street area is a mix of the student-friendly and the upscale-touristy, especially when it comes to places to eat. The Red Onion, Halvorson's, Joe's, and Rira's sit shoulder-to-shoulder with the fancier, pricier places like NECI Commons. Here, there's just enough distance between the school and the central downtown mall that while the street looks just like Burlington, it's missing the casual, less expensive, student-y places. Those all exist on a street across the street from the school called The Corner, that's separated from downtown. It leaves Main Street feeling rather over-priced and snooty, as though it caters more to the tourists and well-to-do locals than to the university crowd; too many art galleries and financial planners, too few Irish pubs and pizza joints. Downtown Charlottesville just doesn't have the great eclectic feel that comes from mixing different walks of life together, which is why Don and I have been tending towards the Corner lately. It's still interesting and fun, though, especially if you've already eaten and just want some gelatto and window-shopping.

Hmmm. It does seem that when Don is home I have less time to post entries into my blog. Too much time taken with having fun, I guess. We had a great weekend together, exploring again and getting stuff done. We tromped through several parks with the dog, looking for possibilies for our wedding... didn't find anything there but we did find the river that borders town, a dog park, creeks, fields... We drove to the Monticello area Saturday, drove around the countryside, ate lunch at the famous Michie Tavern. Today we were just running errands, shopping, the usual Sunday stuff. This weekend just flew by. I have a job interview tomorrow at the bookstore, which I'm not sure about because the pay is so low, but we'll see. It may still be worthwhile.

Lovesick Rambling.

It's pretty obvious that I don't talk about Don much in my blog, except in passing: brief mentions of what he's making for dinner or where he's travelling on business... Don as a person, hardly at all. This is basically intentional, because he's a very private person. While I have an online journal, he would never do that, so I don't share much about him. Same thing with my parents and siblings. But at the moment, I'm itching to break my own rules. (So sweetie if you read this, I'm sorry but it had to happen.) I've been really mulling over how wonderful he is, and that what we have together is everything to me. It feels like our relationship has deepened even further in the last few months, which I didn't even realize was possible at this point. Maybe partly because making a move like this is part of a continuing commitment, and maybe because of all the weeks that we spent apart. It's not exactly true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but sometimes it leaves room for reflection, focus and reconnection.

I don't think that there's anybody in the world who could understand me as well as he does, and vice versa. 'Understand' as in he gets me, and understand and in understanding, empathy, and trust. We're so different in some ways, and yet that understanding underlies everything. I can tell him everything and don't have to censor myself, because he understands, and it works both ways.

One thing that amazes me, though, is his incredible work ethic, determination, and quiet ambition. He is extremely hard working, but it's much more than that; so many people work hard without ever really amounting to anything. Don's efficient and effective, so that his hard work makes a difference; he becomes indespensable wherever he goes. He takes every opportunity to learn, to grow on the job and become even more useful, so that moving up to the next level seems practically inevitable. When we met seven years ago, he was working as a shift engineer. When we moved to Vermont 2 years later, he became a Chief Engineer. Back in Texas: Assistant Director of Engineering. Here, Director. He has gone from being an hourly employee, (albeit a highly skilled, highly paid one), to being upper-management, using nothing but sheer hard work and intelligence. Even I hardly noticed the upward motion; it just kind of hit me the other day that he's 'up there' now: the paid relocation, the free stay in the hotel for 6 weeks while finding a house here, the monthly bonuses, the free drycleaning.

This drive impresses me more than I can say, especially because his motives are unusual, I think. He's not doing it for the money or for material possessions, or even for the respect and the job titles. Don would say that he just "gets bored" with the position that he was at. I think that it transates more that as long as he knows that he can be better, that there's a bigger challenge that he can attack, then he can't be satisfied with where he is. Once he knows his job forwards and backwards, then there's nothing left to learn, nothing left to really test him: then it's time for a bigger challenge. I'm not like that at all, so I find it fascinating.

You know that old cliche, 'still waters run deep'? It basically describes Don. He's really hard to get to know, almost impossible. He can be casually friends, laugh and joke and have a beer, but very few people have ever gotten to know him on a deeper level. Sometimes I try to re-trace the beginnings of our friendship, to figure out when that changed with me, when he decided to let me in. I still don't know, and our entire relationship seems so serendipitous sometimes: right place, right time, for two strangers with seemingly nothing in common. I was nineteen, a college student living on campus, totally new to this whole 'adult' thing; he was 35, divorced, a former military man. How we ended up playing Monopoly and talking until sunrise, playing pool in places that didn't card at the door, listening to all of his old CD's, going bowling, I don't know.

I think that in a funny way, our age difference ended up bringing us together because it kept us apart for long enough, first. Because we didn't see each other as having "relationship" potential, our friendship was much more open and honest than it would have been otherwise; we talked about things that I would never have shared had he been some 19-year-old guy that I was interested in, and that he would never have talked about with someone less "safe". We did things that would have been weird if there hadn't been that unspoken, platonic age-barrier, like spending the night at each others' apartments, going camping together, and discussing our sexual and dating histories and currest love-interests. For maybe 6 or 8 months we were practically inseparable, until, age difference be damned, the fact thatwe were attracted to each other got in the way with a tickling-match-turned-very-suddenly-into-kissing-match. And I resisted. Not because he was older, but because I knew, from the very beginning, that it would be serious. I knew that Don had let me into a part of him that was locked to everyone else, and that if we moved from friends to boy-friend-girl-friend, that ever ending it would be devastating. I wasn't sure that I was ready to get into what would be such a serious relationship; it's not like you can go from being super-close, share-everything friends to 'casually dating'. In the end I succumed, mainly because he was so cute and the sexual tension was unbearable... it worked out pretty well.

Some politics with your bagel?

It's not exactly Frodo destroying the One Ring, but yay! Democrats back on top. Even if they don't fully get the Senate, there will at least be a balance now. Actually, I kind of feel bad for some of the Republicans because they're all being tarred with the Bush brush, whether they deserve it or not-- so many voters seem to be saying, "You're a Republican just like Bush! This is ALL YOUR FAULT!" even to some of the Reps that don't follow the president's lead much at all. He seems to have messed things up for a lot of the more moderate elephants, and some of them do seem quite reasonable. And some of the new Democrats seem... un-Democratic. Like that new Pensylvania guy, and even Webb here in Virginia-- they both seem so conservative that they may as well be Repulicans after all. But, maybe it'll be these party-benders that meet in the middle and start to un-polarize the whole place? Who knows. What I can't wait for are the 2008 elections! Bring them on!

There is an establishment here in C-ville called Bodo's Bagels. I don't know what the 'Bodo' is-- somebody's name, a nickname, an abbreviation? All I can think of is, Frodo's Bagels! Bagels for the Shirefolk! Right next door to the Green Dragon! It just sounds very middle-earthy. You with me on this one, Ben? The first time Don and I saw it, we sort of exchanged glances like, "Are you thinking something dorky and LOTR-based, too?" Silly minds think alike. They have great bagels though, and cheap too, since it's a student establishment.

New Habits

Don's mother came through the operation wonderfully, she's already back at home. So far it looks as though everything went smoothly, thank God. Don claims that she loved the cookies, but I'd be surprised if that were true, I didn't think that much of them. They weren't bad, just not great either. He sounds like he's having a good time being back in his hometown and with them... I really wish I could have gone with him. Stupid job!

I shouldn't say that because actually, the job is going great. Doing the same thing I was in Texas but for a higher pay, which is nice, and with nicer customers. I don't know exactly why, but the customers here are just much more easy-going than what we got back home. It might be because they're better-off and so they don't have as many issues with the bank, just drop off the checks from Mom & Dad. Or maybe they've just come to expect things like holds on their checks or whatever. Either way, they're very understanding and polite. Well-mannered. I'm even getting used to working either 4- or 6-hour shifts instead of the old 8 or 9; I can wear heels to work since I'm not on them as long. All in all, it ain't bad!

I walk with Alice almost every morning to this wonderful little coffee shop that's just over half a mile away. Their mochas = so yummy. They allow dogs inside, so I don't have to tie Alice up outside, and they have a resident cat hanging about. I love Starbucks as much as the next person (ok, probably more), but it's a nice change of pace to go to this independent, funky, neighborhood place instead. The walk itself is great, too; I'm getting to know my neighborhood and there's so much to see--- interesting older houses, the foliage, mountains in the background. While it's not exactly a 'workout', walking a mile and coming back with the drink is a nice way to wake up, clear my head and be ready for work. Alice, of course, loves it too.

I know it's too soon to judge, but I have a great feeling about this place. I think that Don and I have done something good for ourselves by coming out here; that wonderful things are happening. This city is promising.

Unique by name

In a country of approximately 300,000,000, this makes me very happy.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 4 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Sunday night update

Don's gone for the week, staying with his parents for his mom's operation and etc. So for the week, I'm utterly on my own, in a town where I know nobody and am only working 25 hours! What fun. Actually I don't think it will be too bad, because I've got a ton of stuff to do. There are still parts of the house (ok, most of the house) that need unpacking and organizing attention, including MY room-- the study/office/guestroom/second bedroom/whatever. I've got some vague plans for a sewing table in there, something really simple. And I've got an idea to brighten up the kitchen, which is entirely stark white. And I'm writing another essay, by request this time. So between that and the lovely Internet surfing, the week will go fast.

I've been reading other peoples' blogs lately: I'm just discovering this enormous blog-world out there, not blogs like this one that are written sort of privately, but those that are really written for public viewing, with tons of hits and comments and ads. Some are really good; 'real' writers you might say, funny, deep, touching. Some aren't. I know that a lot of people don't want to share the real names of their kids, spouses, etc but some of the 'code names' get really annoying and hard to follow: initials, random words, Busy Baby, Thing 1, The Man, etc. It makes it kind of hard to get interested. It's so much better if they can use a name (not necessarily the right name), or nick-name that makes sense.

I've been trying to step back from the whole 'former best friend' situation and get some perspective, but it's hard. Mainly because when I really care about someone, there's this warm fuzzy feeling when I think of them, whether it's my mom, a friend, Don. Just a random, flitting thought, accompanied by a warm feeling. It's like an instinctive, physical reaction rather than a rational thought. I keep getting this dull ache and I forget why, and then I remember, but there's this disconnect: it's like I'm thinking... "why do I feel so bad, oh yeah because of [her] but ... She's the warm-and-fuzzy-,-best-friend-feeling not nasty-bitter-feeling-in-pit-of-stomach" ... I can't reconcile it emotionally, the switch from 12 years of thinking of someone as a close, trusted friend to thinking of her as the bitter and hostile woman who wrote the email. I know it takes more than a week to get over a relationship that lasted over a decade, but I'm not used to mulling over something so much.

More Important Things

I guess the universe has its ways of letting you know what's important and what's not. On Halloween, while I was still mentally rehashing and re-analyzing the previous topic, Don found out that his mother has been diagnosed with breast cancer. He's driving back home on Friday and is going to spend the week there, to be there when she undergoes the operation on Sunday.

As far as things go, it doesn't look bad... she's healthy and takes good care of herself, early stages, blah blah blah. It doesn't change the fact that it's cancer, though, and Don's understandably really upset. He's such a stoic, reserved kind of guy, so when the floodgates of emotion open up... watch out! We dealt with the news as any normal red-blooded couple would by going out drinking. Rather, he drank and I watched because I forgot my ID. You'd think at 25 I could get an alcoholic beverage without a driver's license. Don's so worried about his parents, and I'm worried about him. I wish I could go with him and be there, too. I talked to his mom on the phone last night and she told me not to worry because it's "not life threatening". Right... that non-deadly kind of cancer. Nice of her, though. I told Don all the usual things, don't worry, she's going to be fine, etc etc etc. With his usual brilliant cut-through-the-bullshit, I've-been-taking-Yager-shots he said, "I know she'll be fine now. But someday it won't be, and what'll I do then?" I don't have an answer for that, sweetie. It's what we all face, consciously or not.

It turns out that his biggest fear now is me dying. I never knew that before.

As an aside, thanks to everyone and anyone who went out of their way to make me feel better after my last post, and who reminded me who my real friends are. Anyways. Off to make get-well-soon-with-pecan-cookies for Don to take back home with him.

Sad

Well, my 'best friend' broke up with me this weekend. Maybe that's too dramatic. I mean, we've barely communicated in the last year or so, but... she's someone I considered as my best friend since seventh grade-- that's what, 12 years? It was harder and harder to get in touch with her, but I didn't really see it as 'over'; I mean, 12 years, it would take more than a little coolness on her side for me to think that we weren't friends anymore. But I never saw her during the whole month and half that Don was gone, when I'd be moving shortly as well. I kept thinking that she'd call at the last minute and we'd go out to dinner and everything would be as always. But that didn't happen. I woke up on a grey, rainy morning, my first Monday here in Virginia, terribly depressed because it hit me all at once: that for her not to contact me at all, meant that either something was very wrong or else our long friendship was over and she just wasn't interested in seeing me before I left. So I sent her a long, probably incoherent email asking about it.

To be honest, at first I expected a quick denial in return-- no no, everything's fine, of course I'm not mad at you, smiley faces. Then after some time passed, I didn't expect any response at all. But this weekend she finally wrote back to say that yes, she hasn't considered me her friend in some time. Truthfully... that letter was one of the most hurtful, painful things that's ever happened to me. I won't go into it, but . . . wow. Basically she's done with me, I guess. I've been clueless and blind about the direction our friendship has taken. I feel lost, confused, rejected... I spent most of yesterday crying.

This would probably be a great time to go on a rant about her, while I feel so raw and defensive. But I can't do that. She's a good person and regardless of how she feels now we have a long history of support and understanding. Last night when I was trying to fall asleep, random moments kept crossing my mind, just like a mediocre movie.

**********************************************************************************
>When we were sixteen, we got our first 'real jobs' together. We had so much fun working together... we used to make our boss laugh by either finishing each other's sentences or else saying exactly the same thing at the same time.


> When we graduated from high school, she and I took a road trip to San Antonio, just the two of us. It was so much fun; we went to Sea World, the Riverwalk, the zoo. I still have this kitchy purple keychain from Sea World that features a photo of us-- my favorite fridge adornment.

>After my parents' house burned down in 2001, she was the first person I called after Don. Her empathy was so strong that she burst into tears on the phone, and later she and her mom took care of all the houseplants and some other stuff while my parents relocated.

> 3 months later, she called me on September 11, to make sure that I was ok. Even though I was nowhere near New York or anything. Hearing from her helped stabilize me at a time when it seemed that the whole world had gone crazy.

> She worked at a card store during all the time that I was in Vermont, and she sent me cards in the mail all the time. Getting those cards meant so much to me, especially during that first six months with the bad depression. I kept those cards... I found the box of them when I was getting ready to move and spent some time just reading through them.

> She made me the maid of honor in her wedding. I had fun going wedding-dress shopping, watching her try on dresses until she found the perfect one, and it really was perfect. We had a great bridal shower, too. She had her husband have been together since high school, and I was so moved by their exchange of vows that I started crying during the ceremony.

******************************************************************************
I guess that that part of my life is over now, perhaps its for the best. I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking not just about her, but about my other friends. For those that read this blog-- Ben, Becca-- do you know how much I appreciate your presence in my life? I hope so. Don spent a lot of time last night letting me know that he and I are truly best friends, as well as partners, but it still stings.

Back to school

Why is it so incredibly difficult sometimes to get Blogger to do what I want? I've spent the last hour and a half trying to create a post with a lot of pictures and its given me nothing but trouble. Blargh.

I spent this week trying to get used to the new job. 'My' branch is actually within the university, in a basement with a bunch of other student stuff-- cafeteria, convenience store, student services etc.-- and there are only three of us that work there. It's actually a satellite off of a bigger branch, so my days go like this: drive to bigger branch (across the street from the university), park, and check in with management there. Walk the 5-10 minute walk to get to this little tiny branch; work 4 hours; walk back to larger branch; and either work 3 hours or go home. A little weird, but it's working ok. There's so much that's different from Texas that just working takes a lot of concentration, something I'm not used to. Different procedures, different systems, different customers. That's the part that really amuses me here: the customer base is ALL STUDENTS.

Student banking is all about small amounts of money. Checks for 20 dollars, withdrawals for 10. Rolls of quarters for laundry, emergency checks from mom and dad. I've had numerous customers deposit handfuls of spare change. Many have come in with 3 or 4 checks for exactly the same amount, the result of splitting a utility bill or rent 4 ways in a student apartment; two kids came in with an honest-to-god PIGGY BANK and handed it to a teller, expecting her to exchange it for 'real money'. She gave them coin rollers instead, and they proceeded to a corner of the lobby where they sat down, dumped the pig, and spent 45 minutes there on the floor, rolling the coin. I'm used to a branch where we did lots of commercial business; transactions for tens of thousands of dollars didn't faze us at all. This micro-banking is new to me!

Another thing about the students is that they're so darn jovial. Picture this scene: dude 1 enters the bank lobby and starts filling out a deposit slip or whatever. Dude 2 enters.

Dude 2: "Dude! I haven't seen you in like 2 days! Where've you been, man?"
Dude 1: "I know, dude! Blah blah blah!"

They proceed to discuss last weekend, the coming weekend, their classes, and all their mutual acquaintences... loudly. Imagine hearing this discussion maybe 3 times every hour between various customers-- they ALL seem to know one another. They enter the bank in little groups even though only one of them has business to take care of, making me constantly think that there are people needing to be helped but no, they're all with that other guy. And I'd forgotten that in this curious sub-culture it's considered perfectly acceptable to wear pajama bottoms out in public. I'm trying to remember if I ever did that. I hope not.

Dogs in Creek

A few days before the move, my sister and I took our dogs to this field and creek behind her apartment complex. The light was bad, but who can resist doggy action shots? There was an epic battle over the red ball, which Alice finally won by biting through and thereby sinking it. The following should be equivilent to about 9,000 words about that afternoon.

In the editing screen these pictures form a neat 3x3 composition block. In the post they look as though a spastic three-year-old threw them at the screen. Go figure, right?

********************************************************************

Ok so all I had to do was change some html coding in the template so that now the body of text is bizarrely wide. But the photos fit. Please help.

Announcing my new cousin!

Born 10-18-2006 to my cousin Robin. I'm not putting in any other details as I don't know what her parents would want to be online, but isn't she adorable?!

Scary Stove Conquered

So far I have made on the scary stove/ oven:

Spaghetti
Garlic bread
Roast chicken
Mashed potatoes
Broccoli
Chocolate chip cookies.

I think I have the scary-stove thing down, for now. Until the pilot light goes out or something. I'm starting to find my way around town a little better: I have all these landmarks in my head now, like the Bridge Lined with Lightposts, the Friendly Cemetery, the Freaky Five-way Intersection, etc. It helps. I don't remember getting lost at all yesterday. I turned in an application with the big bookstore here, hoping to get started with the second job ASAP.

I had the weirdest dreams this morning, that included (I swear!) all of the following: moving trucks, Bon Jovi, Woody Allen, and the giant chess set from the first Harry Potter book/movie. That will lend a strange flavor to your day. My goal today is to find a laundromat and do laundry, preferably in less than 4 hours total-- driving, getting lost, finding laundromat, doing laundry, getting lost, coming home. I achieved yesterday's goals (drop off app/cover letter w/ bookstore, cook chicken before it turns bad) and Don had the cheek to suggest that I set harder goals. Really, let's see what he gets done his first day off.

Adventures continued: the fun never stops!

First. After posting yesterday I ventured out of the house again, because I needed a new outfit for my job interview. Because I own one black jacket that desperately needs drycleaning and doesn't *quite* match either my black pants or my black skirt. I needed one whole suit-type thing. Well there doesn't seem to be a 'mall' in these here parts (something that makes my suburban-Dallas-bred heart just weep) so I ended up at this "shopping complex" that had Old Navy, Ann Taylor, and ... Banana Republic. Speaking of which Banana Republic is the stupidest name for a clothing store ever. Just saying. It's where I ended up buying my Grown Up Interview Suit for an amount that makes me feel guilty, shamed, and slightly panicky every time I think about it. The thing cost so much that I did that thing you're never supposed to do: I applied for the store's credit card to save 15%. Everyone knows that you should never open store credit cards! I am officially bad with finance. I have spent a week's salary on a suit and put it on a brand-new credit card to a store that I never shop in.

But, today I got the job, so at least I don't have the "unemployed-and-still-shopping" guilt to stack onto it. I start Monday morning 9:00. It's only part-time but they're increasing my hourly rate a bit. Enough to cover Virginia's frickin' state income tax (!) and have extra. I still need to find a second job but that'll come later.

I'm wondering: at what point in life will I stop feeling as though I'm playing dress-up when wearing "grown-up clothes"? Today I felt like photographing myself in said suit (and heels!) and sending it to my mom: Happy Halloween, I'm going as an adult this year! Oh, and the heels? They killed me. I thought: interview, sitting down. No big deal, right? No. The branch that I interviewed at, and the one at which I'll be working, are a "short walk" apart. It's not that short when you're in slingbacks which keep getting caught in the University's picturesque brick walkways. My feet were dying by the time we walked over there and back.

What was really neat though, at least to an un-jaded Texan, is this fierce wind that is blowing all the leaves *off* of the trees, so that the air is filled with leaves; leaves swirling everywhere. Like some kind of giant, bright-gold precipitation, getting stuck in everyone's hair and backpacks and things.

Last night I made our first in-home dinner. Have I mentioned that we have a gas stove here? And that I've never cooked on a gas stove at home before? This is not one of the new, electric-start stoves either. It's an ancient stove with pilot lights, and a broiler that is *underneath* the oven, right off the floor. To broil the garlic bread I had to get down on my hands and knees on the kitchen floor. The stove scares me to death, but the spaghetti sauce made the place smell like home, a little.

Daily Adventures

So yesterday I was looking for the Petsmart, because I needed a new litter-box. Actually Cathy needed a new box, but, you know. The Google directions showed the Petsmart as being "1 mile, approx 2:00 minutes" away from my new home, but they were VERY WRONG. According to Mapquest that intersection is actually 1o miles from here--I found that out later. So I drove in little concentric circles all over my new neighborhood looking for this street/intersection/big store for about an hour. I was trying to make the best of it, telling myself things like, "Don't see it as being lost or looking for something. You're just enjoying a drive around your new habitat, getting to know the area. If we happen to discover a Petsmart, why, that would be lovely and perhaps we'll stop there" (The cat was in the car with me. I don't refer to myself as "we" usually.) But after an hour I couldn't fake it anymore and I had to pee. So I found the grocery store instead, where they do stock litter-boxes, thankfully. BUT. I discovered a really cute little coffee-place that's a pretty short walk from the house. I never would have found it otherwise. So Alice and I walked down there this morning. I wanted to take pictures of all the pretty things here but I couldn't find the camera, so imagine that there are nice pictures here of amazing views, colorful trees, the coffeeshop, etc. Perhaps after tomorrow I'll have them-- the camera was under the driver's seat in the car. (Don.) The only bad bit was that we ran across a *really* aggressive, very big dog, tied up in front of a convenience store. Usually I love dogs, but this was scary. If the owner hadn't come out of the store just in time and literally pressed the dog to the fence with his own body, I don't know what we would have done, other than *run* and hope that his chain held. This was a BAD DOG. Alice was totally freaked, and we walked home on the far side of the street just in case.

I'm Back!

Well. We're here in Charlottesville, finally. So much has happened in the last, what, week and a half? that I don't know where to begin or what to tell. Especially because most of it is really mundane stuff but still. So, Random Bullet Point Time!

Before the Move

> The moving company. Damn, everyone needs one of these. I'm never moving without the help of professionals ever again. They show up at the apartment at 9:00 sharp, they pack EVERYTHING WE OWN, they carry it out to the truck. In four hours FLAT. By 1:10 in the afternoon I'm alone, with nothing in the apartment but a roll of papertowel, a roll of t.p., and random aerosol cans. Because they don't pack aerosol stuff. I'm a little in love with them, really.

> The apartment was trashed. It's partly because Don and I are messy people. It's just the way we are. It's partly because we really like to make a place out own: hang things on the wall, paint stuff, make a garden on the patio, whatever. We can't just leave a place alone. Mostly, though it was because of my sister's puppy who spent part of every day with us for her first year. Dog stains EVERYWHERE. It took 22 hours of cleaning to get the place looking like "reasonable wear and tear." Three days: 10 hours, 10 hours, 2 hours. Unbelievable.

> I rented one of those rug-doctor things from the grocery store. They actually work pretty well. Kills the lower back though.

> My sister came over and helped clean, for hours and hours. I never even asked her... she just called; "What are you up to?" "Cleaning." "Want some help?" In return for nothing but a grilled cheese, she helped shampoo the carpets all day. Turns out the carpet cleaner works really well if you FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS which apparently she can do but I can't.

> Cathy stayed at my parents' house with me during that last week. My mom and dad are both "cat people" but they haven't owned a cat in over 20 years due to his asthma and allergies, so they aren't *used* to cats. Every time she did anything, it was like this: "Look! The cat just walked into the room!" "She's eating her kibble!" "She's grooming herself!" They were so charmed with everything that she did, because they had forgotten all the the things that make cats unique. It was fun.

The Drive

> Both Cathy and Alice travel well. Amazingly well really. We didn't have to do anything special to accomodate them on the drive. Cathy just curled up on top of my dad's duffel bag and slept the whole time. Alice slept a lot, and spent the rest of the time with her front paws perched on the center console as though it were the prow of a ship, looking out over the road. The only drawback was that after sleeping all day the cat went nuts in the motel room and wouldn't stop playing with her litter box.

> I love some things about roadtrips. Seeing the terrain change. Watching the mile-markers on the interstate drop back to "1" after crossing the state line, and seeing them climb for hundreds of miles... until you reach the next state line. Seeing my little car go 434 miles on only 12 gallons of gas. Passing the signs for towns with funny names. The funniest-named town between Dallas and Charlottesville is Bucksnort, Tennessee. How does a town come to be named Bucksnort?

Here at Last

> I can't put into words how good it is to be reunited with Don, so I won't even try. For our whole little 'family' to be back together...

> Virginia is beautiful. It's so pretty, with mountains, huge trees, winding roads. The city is nice, too. It's not Burlington, but it ain't bad either. Unfortunately, I get lost EVERY SINGLE TIME that I venture out in the car. I've been here for 4 days. Every day I get lost. This is one of those towns laid out in a manner that only the locals understand, I think.

> This whole town is a shrine to Thomas Jefferson. Charlottesville is sandwiched between Monticello and the University of Virginia, which he founded. Every visible quote, whether etched in the stone over a doorway or graffiti'd on a bridge, seems to originate from Jefferson. Of the four statues I've found so far, three were of Jefferson: the fourth was Lee. I feel like having a bumper sticker made that says, "John Adams is my favorite president" just to be different, although around here that might get my tires slashed or something.

> I have a job interview for Friday morning, so I shouldn't be out of work for too long here, even if it is just for a part-time job.

There's so much more going on, but I can't organize my thoughts any better, and Don and I are going out to dinner now, because the kitchen is a sea of boxes and tissue paper and it's a beautiful evening.

Last day of work.

So I basically have the nicest co-workers anywhere. They have overwhelmed me on my last day of work with donuts, cake, cards, roses, and gift cards to Starbucks (!) and Barnes & Noble (!!)-- none of which I was expecting as we already *had* a party a little while ago. Did I cry? I'd rather not say.

I ate rather too much of the donuts and cake, and spent the day buzzing around the bank on a caffeine-and-sugar high that must have been supremely annoying to everyone else but was great fun for me.

It felt bizzare to leave-- every time I dealt with a familiar customer (which is all of them) I'd think "for the last time..." Turning in my keys at the end of the day was especially weird. I'm a forgetful, absentminded person usually and keeping track of the bank keys has always been an issue. It's been a matter of great pride to me that in two years I've never lost them-- something that would involve the bank's having to re-key all the locks. But the only way I managed to not lose them was by CONSTANT VIGILANCE! Always knowing where they were. So after turning them in, I kept going like this: "Ack! where are my keys? Oh yeah. They're not mine anymore." Rinse and repeat. And repeat. We took lots of pictures today.



All the nice things they wrote inside the card.

Gift cards!

I actually got two cards because Diana T and Diana G both bought cards. The funny thing is that, working independently, they managed to boy almost the same card. Both cards came in bright yellow envelopes and featured brightly colored animals. Both had the same joke. But they weren't exactly the same. I sense a copywright infringement. But it's interesting that I inspired the exact same choice-of-card in two different people. I guess I'm a funny-animals type of woman!

There were donuts, too. They love me.

Me with Katherine, Ana, Jennifer, and Diana T.

The cake! It was Snickers flavored.

Red roses. They smell pretty, too.

The short girls get their own picture. Angie and Evelyn.

We all vibrate on the same frequency! It's amazing!

Sometimes it's nice to be alone.... there's nobody to laugh at me.

The best thing is getting to laugh at someone else being stupid. Isn't that true? It's why those stupid "Funniest Videos" shows on TV and books like the Darwin Awards exist. Therefore I will put into print something I did last night that I'd be more than justified in keeping to myself FOREVER.

I'm sitting at my desk, which is surrounded by random surfaces covered in paper, the ironing board w/ piles of folded laundry, etc. The usual mess. My cell phone starts ringing, and I reach for it, but I can't seem to find it. I get up from my chair-- is it on the ironing board? the kitchen counter?-- and start looking for it, but no matter what direction I turn, the sound of its ring seems to be coming from *behind* me, so I'm turning back and forth, shuffling through stuff, darting around trying to locate the phone before it goes to voicemail-- I hate that. I end up spinning helplessly in a circle a couple of times just like the dog does when I finally realize-- duh!-- the cell was in my back pocket the whole time. I get to it just in time to miss the call.

It's things like that that make me wish I had a security camera in my apartment the way we do at work, so that I could see that whole scene from above-- look! I'm spinning!-- and also glad that I had no witnesses. Which I effectively just undid by fessing up, anyways. It's like at work, when I lose my bank keys and then find them dangling from my wrist, conveniently hidden by a sheaf of papers or something in my arm.

I'm blogging because I'm avoiding work. My closet? Still a mess. The bathroom? Ditto. The movers are coming on MONDAY to pack-n-move everything I own. All I have to do is... clean up everything and get it ready, get rid of everything that's not making the move, organize the stuff a bit. It's really nothing considering that I don't have to, say, PACK, or haul everything I own onto the back of a pickup truck... you know, the usual. I'm totally digging this corporate-style move thing. Yay Don, for making corporate! Way to bring home the bacon. Or, the professional movers, whatever.

P.S. After much soul-searching I've come to the conclusion that I can really only take 1 or 2 of our houseplants with us, if even that much. The moving company won't handle anything "living" (although that word hardly describes most of our plants.) My car is already going to be carrying

1. Me, my dad, Alice, and Cathy
2. My Big Suitcase. My little suitcase (which for some reason I've always thought of as the "travel-size" suitcase, which makes no sense-- what would the other one be for if not for travel?). My dad's travel bag. The carrying-case for the cat.
3. The little cooler, for the drinks and grapes and things-- it's an 18-hour drive. You can't drive 18 hours without a cooler.
4. At least 2 days' worth of disposable litter pans. For the cat.
5. Cat and dog food.

My car is small and just doesn't have the room for all of our plants... so if you're in the market for a new houseplant, let me know. Sad plants free to good homes.

Playing with the camera

I think I look a bit crazed in this one.






Bored person with digital camera equals BAD.

New things

One of the best things about being friends with variety of people is the exposure to random stuff that you wouldn't ordinarily try, like war documentaries or Japanese food. It's so much better than constantly eating the same food, listening to the same music, watching the same genres, thinking the same thoughts... I feel sorry for domineering people that insist on having their own way, whether in choosing the restaurant or picking the radio station; they'll never get to break out of their own routine, and what other way is there to grow but to try new things?

Customer Service: the good, the bad, the ugly

I closed my bank accounts today, accounts I've had open for 7 and 9 years, respectively. The guy at the bank was like a robot: no small talk, no how are you, nothing. He did not ask *why* I wanted to close my accounts after 9 years of being with this bank-- something I would want to know if I were him! The reason being, of course, that there are no branches outside of Texas, and because I get lots of free accounts at the bank I work at. It was like being in the land of the personality-free.

But then I went to Sears, to get my oil changed, tires rotated and etc for the trip. I mean, for my car. And the guys there were so nice. They fixed the trunk of my car-- which has been broken for minths-- for free. It took all 3 of them maybe half an hour, and they didn't charge me a dime. I just had to drive down to the dealership to buy the part. I think they were bored because they didn't have a lot of other cars to work on at the time.

I told Don about it and he says that from now on, any time he needs work done on the truck he's going to send me, instead.

**************************************************************************

Don and I officially have a place to live in Charlottesville, so we can cross that one off the list. The movers are coming on October 9th to pick up all the stuff. Dad and I leave on the 13th. And that's that for Texas.

Bit by bit

Things are starting to fall into place. Don and I *almost* have a place rented. This is harder than it seems because he has terrible credit and no recent apartment history. I have a little of both, but awful income. I'd think that together, we'd equal a safe bet, but . . . *almost*. I'll find out tonight I think. It'll be such a relief-- we never thought it would take this long to get this sorted out-- we want a move-in date of October 1st and it's already the 27th of September.

Once I know for sure that we have an address and a move-in date, I can call the movers and get that set up. I can arrange my trip out there with my Dad (looks like we're leaving Friday the 13th-- yay) and order checks and God knows what else.

I may have a job possibility. Nothing fancy, just a part-time teller position with the same company. I think I'm a shoo-in: they need a teller, I'm *already* a teller, with lots of experience and a proven track record. I'm scared though because this branch seems too tiny to exist: three employees and only open 9-2 M-F. So that 25 hour position is all there is, there: not much opportunity to move back to full time. But this company pays full benefits at 20 hours so that's all ok. I'll have to try to get another part-time job to fill the money hole, but since I don't know anyone there I'd basically rather work 50 hours a week at 2 jobs, than sit and home and mope around. I just don't want my income to go down, because it would counteract our main reason for moving which is Don's promotion (and raise). If his income goes up, but our cost of living also goes up and my income drops, we're no better off than before. If we can keep the COL the same and my income the same or better, then we're doing better. We have some major financial goals looming in the near future and are trying to save money towards those ends, so any decrease in income right now would be bad.

So if I can work 9-2 every weekday at the bank, and pick up another job working maybe 3-11 three times during week, I could maintain my benefits, increase my income, and still have my weekends to be with my sweetie. Would I have the energy? Only one way to find out, really.

*********************************************************************************
I feel ok and cautiously happy, but if I could just get definite confirmation on either the house or the job (and especially the house) I'd just be so relieved. Is moving always this hard?

Celibacy

Some people have long-distance relationships. This is not something I can understand, because it is the worst of both worlds: being single and being coupled. When you are in a relationship you have sex on a regular basis. Good sex (because why would you stay with someone if it wasn't good?) with someone you love-- what could be better? And when you're single it might not be that regular but every day there is the chance that you will meet someone, or that a previously unexplored relationship will turn into sex right before your eyes. The possibility for sex is always there-- new, exiting, unexplored sex. To be single is to not know what the evening holds for you when you get up in the morning.

But being in a long-distance means that you're not getting any from the man you love, and that there are no other possibilities either. Which sucks more than words can describe. I was at a party on friday night (or very early Saturday morning) talking with --among other people-- three very attractive guys when I suddenly realized that I haven't had sex in forever and won't again for some time. It was a depressing realization, to say the least, and a signal that it was time to head on home, to my sad empty aparment and needy pets. Because drinking and talking about sex with attractive guys is really just frustrating.

Studying

One of my co-workers is preparing to take the LSATs, the test to get into law school. Part of the test encompasses these intricate logic problems, like this:

Six paintings hang next to each other as shown. Each of the paintings is either an oil or a watercolor. Each oil is directly beside, above, or below another oil. Each watercolor is directly beside, above, or below another watercolor. Each painting is either a 19th- or a 20th-century painting. Each painting is directly above, beside, or below another from the same century. Painting 2 is from the 19th-c. Painting 3 is an oil. Painting 5 is a 20th-c.

Then they ask all these multiple choice questions about the above. Anyways. My friend asked me to help her work out these problems and work out the ways in which to solve them quickly... she said that 'of all the people she knew', she thought I'd be the most able to figure them out. Which I found immensely flattering! Considering that I've never taken any grad-school-level exams or anything like that. Flattering enough for me to work through them all, anyways. I'm meeting up with her in a bit to go over them.

Pondering the Nature of Friendship...

What a beautiful day... it actually feels autumnal outside. I left the windows open in the apartment this morning and it smells nice in here now. I was in a rather self-pitying or self-serving mood earlier and so I went to the newly renovated Northpark Mall to Lush, which has these wonderful fizzy bath ball things. I felt like I deserved a fizzy bath. (Don's gone! My period's coming. I deserve a FIZZY BATH!)

The store is wonderful, an exposion of smell and color as you walk in. Bins and barrels and shelves overflowing with soaps, cosmetics, scrubs, bubble thingies, with explanatory signage everywhere. And the lady there made me little free samples of all kinds of things that I couldn't afford, so now I have these facial things to try after my fizzy bath. And I went to Eddie Bauer and bought Don a shirt because I miss him. Which is illogical, I know. But I saw the shirts in the window and thought how good he would look in one. And that he likes Eddie Bauer. And so. Debt, anyone? And I went to Central Market to buy things for dinner because even though I'm alone there's no reason not to make good food for myself. (I deserve trout and broccoli as well as baths! Not just a can of soup!) So now I have the fixings for a really nice evening.

I got an email back from my best friend (who I never hear from anymore) which confirms that she is not dead and doesn't hate me. Even though it looks as though our friendship is slowly dissolving-- I think this move to VA will kill it mostly-- it's a relief to know that there's nothing seriously wrong with her. Since she got married in May 2005 I've seen her about 4 times. She lives just a couple of miles away, but can't get together, can't answer phone calls, or even emails usually. I think we communicated more often when I was living in Vermont than in the 2 1/2 years that I've been back. Actually thinking about it maybe moving to Virginia will revive the friendship.

Although I've been wondering, at what point does a common history become not enough to sustain a relationship? Can "we've been best friends since junior high" if there's little common ground elsewhere? After 13 years there's always subject for conversation-- you know each other's families, spouses, and histories like your own. 'Remembering when' is important sometimes; it provides a link to your past and focus to your present. But is that enough? I would have thought so. But now, I'm almost relieved that this move will change the flavor of friendship once again, and perhaps fade it somewhat. I feel as though I am always reaching out and always being rejected, or ignored. It's irritating, confusing, and worrisome. I always think the worst-- someone's been hit by a car, or is in a deep depression, or is having marital problems, or wants to end the friendship. To find that it's simply a callous busy-ness is both a relief and an insult. Sending off an email or a voicemail takes maybe a minute, after all. So perhaps I'll move, and let her take the first moves from now on. Not in a game-playing, manipulative sense, but because I feel hurt and cast-off, and perhaps she feels pressured. That way if I don't get a return phone-call I won't entertain myself by thinking of the myriad awful possibilities, or wonder about the lack of common courtesy in someone who's such a nice person usually.

It's Ennui time, boys and girls!

I've been a negligent blogger lately. This is mainly because I've been waiting for this blue feeling to lift, so that I could write a cheerful, upbeat entry about the good things in life blah blah blah. I don't know why I always feel like doing that though because it would make my blog very one-sided and unrepresentative of the way I really am. The truth of the matter is that I miss Don. It sounds so simple and almost trite, but there it is. I could never exist in a long-distance relationship, I need the day-to-day interactions, the shared experiences that build and maintain any relationship but especially a romantic one. And it's worse for Don, because he feels the same way but has put years and years into being strong, independent, and stoic. Missing me makes him feel needy and emotional, apparently.

Don: I've just realized that I need you! You're the love of my life! We need to stay together always. I can't stand living without you.

Me: I thought you realized that 2 years ago when you proposed marriage and we got engaged.

Don: Well yeah, I guess so. I just realize it more now.

Men. They're always so in touch with their feelings. It's still nice to hear, though. A whole lot better than, "You know, this living on my own makes me miss being single! Maybe we should try a trial separation!" or something like that. We talk on the phone for a long time every night. And we have a new thing in which I put the phone on speaker and he howls at the dog. She gets this confused but very *interested* look on her face, as though trying to figure out how Don got trapped inside that tiny metal box. Quite a bit like those "His Master's Voice" ads for the original phonographs or Victrolas or what have you, in which the little white dog is staring into the phonograph's horn. It definitely gets her attention and she sniffs the phone very thoroughly. She hasn't started howling along yet though, the way she would if he were here.

Without Don here, my days have a different cadence, a different rhythm to them. When we're together it basically goes, work-come home- dinner- conversation/tv-bed. Dinner is of paramount importance, and we call "So what are we eating tonight" the Question of the Day. We spend all of our evening time other than eating, talking catching up and watching the tv. But when Don's not here, I don't worry much about dinner-- just heat something up, or not. Cheese sandwhich, scrambled eggs, Lean Cuisine, whatever. I'm just not that fussed about it. I don't watch tv on my own either, unless there's something specific I want to see. Like my cooking show. So I tend to do more constructive things in the evenings, to fill the time between work and bed. I've been going out with friends a lot more, partly because it's more fun than staying home (which isn't as true when Don's here) and partly because I'm moving soon and may NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN or at least only sporadically. I see my family more for the same reasons, and because they feed me very well. I mean of course I'll see them again after the move, but in the last almost three years that we've been in Dallas I've seen my folks and little brother about every week. It's a rough adjustment, to think about only seeing them on vacations again.

So, Things I've Been Working On Lately:

1. My quilt. I'm actually making a little progress but these blocks are so hard for me, a beginner. I have 9 blocks half done. Out of 63 total blocks. My next quilt will have SQUARES or RECTANGLES only. Triangles are evil and stretchy.

2. A new essay for the Scribbulus site. On Snape and Petunia. Do you really want to know? I didn't think so. Also I'm a mod now on the Leaky Lounge site, which sucks up hours of time.

3. Reading other random stranger's blogs, and realizing that they're so much more interesting and readable than my own, which makes me not want to post.

4. Re-reading all of the short stories of Dorothy Parker, which somehow will make you laugh, and hate all of humanity at the same time. It's like, "These people are awful! But that's exactly how people are! argh! " She sort of nails on the head the different languages that men and women use to talk to each other, and the myriad misunderstandings and heartbreaks that arise from that.

Things I've Done Towards Moving Across Country:

ummm.....

(crickets)


I seem to be passive-aggressively declaring my ambivilance about the move by refusing to do any work towards making it happen. Or, I've just been lazy, distracted, and my usual procrastinating last-minute-is-the-best-minute self. Take your pick, really. My goal for the weekend (which I guess means tomorrow since it's already Saturday night) is to fill three huge cardboard boxes with stuff to take to Goodwill. Or not fill them but come to the point where there's nothing else I want to get rid of. It was my goal for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday as well but hasn't happened yet.

My sister has announced some plans for the coming year that would make her taking the fishtank off our hands rather difficult, so now I'm trying to figure out what to do with that. Of course she may still *want* the aquarium and probably will, but if she can only keep it until May then what's the point? If it weren't for the fishies, I could just drain the tank, wrap the plants, and send it to VA. Hmm. If only I knew a nice couple that also kept fish. Maybe they would have room for 6 well-behaved fresh-water community fish: 2 Cory Cats, 2 Bloodfin Tetras, and 2 red wagtail platys. We've lost several fish lately but I'm not sure why. I tested the tank for all of the chemicals-- ammonia, nitrites, nitrates, and pH-- but everything came up fine except that the pH was a little high. But it's always been high because the pH of our tapwater is that way. It never bothered them before. I'm thinking that some of them were just old.

Well, time for the long chat with the sweetie.

Quick Update

Not too much to say right now really. Don was in town ever-so-briefly, i got all of 28 hours with him before he went back to Virginia. Now I won't see him until I move out there as well. And I had kept telling myself before that it was no big deal, I'd see him in September.... well that's over and now it's like 5 weeks at least. Ah well. Can't be changed. At least we had fun when he was here.

We saw Little Miss Sunshine, which is really, really, gut-bustingly funny. Highly reccommended for anyone that likes dark comedies.

Insert: the cat just knocked an empty cardboard box down the stairs and scared the crap out of me. It's just the three of us here in the apartment and it's all quiet and calm when whoosh-thump-thump-thump.

I'm afraid that my sister and I will be having confrontations tonight, or soon anyways, which scares me. I'm bad with confrontation in my personal life. so yeah.

Argh

I just spent the last hour and a half in bumper-to-bumper traffic coming home from a dinner. One hour to go 2 miles! I can walk faster than that! I don't get aggravated usually when driving, but this was awful. I drank lots of iced tea at the restaurant and had to pee really bad, and my shifting leg hurt, and my car was running hot. And I used maybe 3 days' worth of gas in the stop-and-go idling traffic. I don't even know what happened to snarl everything up, but it must have been really bad. But. I'm home now... let it go...

On the bright side today was one of those really good days off, when lots of stuff gets done but there's goofing off too, so that either way it's not a wasted day. A guy from the moving company came over at 8:30 to inspect the apartment for an estimate on the move. 8:30 wouldn't be too bad if I hadn't had to get up extra early to finish cleaning up-- not so much to look good as to make it easier to see what we had to move. He left about 9 so I went to the laundromat, washed and vaccuumed the car, and bought groceries. All before noon!

I've been contemplating a career change lately, but I'll talk about that in some future blog. No point getting ahead of myself.

Autumn, corporate-style

The first sign of fall has come to north Texas. Not the weather, although the drizzly rain has been nice. Not the foliage; those yellow leaves aren't changing colors so much as dying from this summer's drought. Not the back-to-school sales or the labor-day sales or the reemergence of school zones just when I'd gotten used to zipping through them.

No, what I'm talkin' about is the Pumpkin Spice Latte, Starbucks' answer to the changing seasons. They whip that baby out every year about this time and it is surprisingly tasty. Much more 'cinamon' than 'pumpkin', because who wants a pumpkin-scented latte? In a place where "fall" doesn't seem to start until mid-October it's nice to have a gentle reminder that summer won't last forever. If you stand under an air-conditioner vent while you drink it, you can almost pretend that there's a nippy breeze.

May There be "Interestin' Creatures" in the Afterlife

So I don't usually talk about Outside Events in my blog, or actually anything wider than my own little life, but I'm so blown away by the death of Steve Irwin that I'm breaking my own habit. I kind of thought old Steve was immortal, or close to it... never thought one of his beloved critters would do him in. He was such a unique character, with so much interest in, and affection for, the animals that most of us fear and avoid. He makes me think of Hagrid in that way-- convinced that dangerous animals were merely misunderstood, and that with enough education we'd all love them. Just not as big and hairy. I only wonder whether he thought that he'd never be seriously hurt by his animals, or whether he knew that his lifestyle would one day be the death of him, for better or worse, and was at peace with that? Either way, 44 years is much too young for someone like Irwin, so full of youth and curiosity. He worked hard to make the world a nicer place for all those crocs and spiders and things.

Fabric orgy

Last night I went out to dinner with Ben, Amanda and Jordan which was great, but I went to the wrong restaurant first and waited; a bit embarrassing. There are too many clone-restaurants in that part of town! Chili's, Bennigans, Friday's, Applebee's: this intersection has them all! It's redundant! Afterwards we all went to Barnes and Noble to brainstorm baby names with them. Baby names are fun. Such an opportunity to mess with somebody's identity. Even with all the fun I still woke at 4 in the morning, which has been my pattern of late. I wake up every morning between four and five with nightmares. Some I can remember, some I can't. Sometimes the pillow is wet with tears. I don't understand it because while I miss Don it's more of a frustrating, oh-well-it'll-be-over-soon, we've-been-through-this-before kind of missing him; a dull ache and not a crying-into-the-pillow kind of grief. And while I'm a little stressed out I feel like it's all coming together now, and last night was sandwiched between dinner out with friends and breakfast out with the family, and two days off. Why the nightmares? I don't understand them, and the timing is almost spooky. Anyways.

Mom and I did a massive fabric-shopping venture today; buying up for our various quilting projects, using up gift certificates, hitting all the sales. It was so much fun. And we bought so much. I love the fabric that I'm working with at the moment--the blues and greens for the kaleidoscope quilt--but now I'm inspired by all these autumnal colors and prints; golds and oranges, rusts, leaves. I'll always be a season behind at this rate! We found this wonderful fabric store that had so many batiks! Shelves and shelves of them. They're my favorites, and most places only have a few bolts.

Funny: Last night at B&N the alarms went off as I entered the store and again as we left. I shrugged it off, thinking maybe my bank alarm or something... but the same thing happened several times when Mom and I were shopping. It embarrassed the heck out of her. Just now, when I was getting undressed, I found a security tag in my jeans that says, "remove before washing or wearing". I've washed them twice already... I can't believe I didn't notice it earlier! I thought they were just scratchy on the inside...

Tomorrow is going to be a work-day, I've got tons of stuff to do in prep for the move. Things to Goodwill, a trip to the Laundromat, vaccuuming. The fishtank. Is that thing ever really clean? No, it's not. But for now I'm going to cut more cloth into triangles, and take a hot bath. Here's hoping that the hour between 4 and 5 will quietly pass me by, and break this holding pattern of nightmares.

Momentum

So, things are finally moving along, or should I say that I'm finally gaining momentum? I tend to have some negative ways of dealing with stress: procrastination and inertia. I try to bury my head in the covers and hope that it all goes away and magically sorts itself out, whatever "it" happens to be-- an exam, a paper, changing jobs, relationship issues, moving cross-country, whatever. But, once I finally get moving I keep on keepin' on-- isn't that a Newton principle?

I went to the leasing office--finally--to discuss breaking the lease. They were actually pretty nice about it; I was expecting difficulty and snippiness. It might cost us a bit, but not as much as it might have done; and that's only if it isn't re-rented. But we have to play by the rules because my parents co-signed this place and I don't want to thank them by messing up their credit history, not to mention that I'd like to buy a house in maybe 1 1/2 to 2 years. So. As for the damage deposit I'll be lucky to break even as they'll definitely want to replace the carpet.

I called the water-billing people to find out why my water bill tripled in the last month and got that straightened out I think; the guy said it was a meter-reading error and they'll be sending a "meter specialist" out to take a look. And refund my money.

I got a call from the moving company-- they want to come take a look at all our stuff to determine what number of boxes, truck space, etc will be required. My first thought was that I need to clean the apartment, which is kind of sad.... cleaning for strangers. It's the life of we messy people, that live with the mess ourselves but tidy up for company and even moving companies. Well, I was going to do that this weekend anyways.

Slowly but surely everything will be worked out and dealt with. For now I'm going to work on my quilt.

Stormy weather...

Update time... did I lose a week in time again? Damn, hate it when that happens. Nothing has changed re: the mental, physical and emotional chaos that this move (uprooting, really) is creating. Don left for Virginia yesterday morning, so I'm livin' the single life until I join him. Woohoo! I think I'll clean the fishtank and go to bed early! Maybe I'll go to my parents' house--again! Good times! On the bright side, I managed to drive Don to DFW airport--stopping for coffee and the ATM--drop him at the correct gate, circle back to 635 East, use my tolltag to get out and got back to Richardson before 8:3o in the morning, not getting lost or turned around at all. Not bad for my first time!

Miracle of miracles, it's been raining here. Lots of rain. Big storms alternating with little sprinkles. It's indescribably wonderful... sometimes you don't realize how deprived you are of something until you get it back. I love it. Hope it goes on all week, or all month. God knows we could use the water. Everyone at the bank was reveling in it, the customers in the drive-thru; I've never seen rainy weather so appreciated by the masses. Usually it's just nuts like me who love rain. It's ironically fitting that it rains now that Don has left, timed almost exactly to his flight. Poor guy, it's like he's cursed or something to not see the rainfall. It's happened three times now, that he leaves town and we get a storm.

I've started working on my quilt to keep me busy and calm me down. It's going to be very difficult for me I think, because I've never done anything quite like this before. This design is apparently made of 1,000 little triangles sewn together. Really I need to take up knitting or something instead.

I had dinner at my parents' last night, and we played Scrabble after. Scrabble in my family is epic... it's Contact Scrabble. There's name-calling, insults, threats... and that's mostly between my parents who are usually a sweet and loving couple. The rule-book and dictionary get constant use, and my dad starts each of his turns with 'Now I know this isn't usually allowed but I think you'll agree that....."
I think every family has something their competitive over; in a literary one like mine word games take it. I won though, with 'verity' and 'zen', the zen bringing in over 40 points for that night's top scorer. Hah!

Pure Chaos

Don is leaving for Virginia on Sunday. I will be following him I think by the end of Septemberish, but date remains uncertain. Everything is so chaotic, and so undetermined too, that it's driving me crazy. I feel like I don't have the information or the time that I need to get things taken care of, and everything is happening at once. Why do so many other things always pop up at once? Never during the slow times. My electric company charged my account twice. Why?? I don't know. My water bill has somehow tripled in size-- I need to call them and ask why. A one-bedroom apartment isn't likely to suddenly start using more water than before. I need to know the name of the moving company that Don's company uses, and find out whether they're packing up our stuff or just moving the stuff that we pack. I pack, I mean. Until Don finds a place for us to live, I have no address to work with which is also keeping me from doing certain things. Finding a place won't be that easy, either. Dog, for one. Price, for another. There's not much point in getting a promotion and a fat raise if your cost of living immediately increases and absorbs it all. I'm hoping to keep the rent in the same neighborhood that it's in now, and not go higher just because we 'could'. If he doesn't find a place soon enough, I won't be able to leave here in a timely manner (no place to send all the Stuff, no place to go!) which affects everything from how long i'll be paying rent on this apartment to how soon I can start seriously searching for a job there. It's kind of hard to job-search with the mentality of: well, I'll be there by October 3rd. Unless I'm not... then I'll be there later.

It looks like our October vacation to Vermont is shot, and possibly even the idea of having the wedding up there. If we can't go up there in October as we planned to check everything out and make arrangements it'll be almost impossible to plan a wedding sight unseen-- at least, unseen for 3 1/2 years by then. Not to mention that I lost the Rabbi that was going to officiate. Something about dawdling on setting a date, having other interested couples etc. Jeez, professionals. I'd really looked forward to our trip and the plane tickets are bought and paid for. But they're from Dallas to Boston... not much good if we're in Virginia! Ah well. It will all be worthwhile at somepoint, just have to live through the chaos first.

P.S. If you read this post and realize that I'll be on my own for a solid month at least, please call and go out w/ me etc. I'd like to reconnect with my friends before leaving them all again. :)

Your Personality Is Like Alcohol

You're the life of the party, a total flirt, and probably a pretty big jokester. Sometimes your behavior gets you in trouble, but you still remain socially acceptable. You're a pretty bad driver, and you're dancing could also use a little work!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Tripping

Back from Chicago. What a trip. Chicago is an amazing city; I wish I'd had another week there. Everything we tried to do--a few hours here, a few hours there--I wanted to spend a day just exploring. The Oak Park neighborhood, filled with beautiful old Victorian houses, bungalows, and the first Frank Lloyd Wright homes; the Magnificent Mile, which would inspire even me to shop and shop; the Art Institute. So much stuff happened in one weekend that it's all in bits and pieces now in my mind and I can't comprehend it all.

*********************************************************************
We flew out the day after that foiled-terrorist-plot thing that raised all the Terrorist Levels or whatever to Orange. Everything went really smoothly as far as that went though. Except that my mom thought that my luggage was her gym bag (they're identical ugly green duffel bags) and tried to put it back in the car, thinking that Dad had grabbed it out of the bedroom by mistake or something... I panicked: that's all my stuff, what are you doing? That's my bag! Solution: I'm getting a smart carry-on bag for my holiday present, one of those square-ish rolley ones, like everyone else in my family (and the airport) seems to have.

*********************************************************************
Driving in Chicago is CRAZY. They don't use 'lanes' the way that we do--driving straight forward in one lane or moving to another lane to drive in that lane. They just act as though there are no lines whatsoever painted on the road. And they take the attitude that to signal turns is to let the enemy know your plan. Downtown there are hoards and hoards of pedestrians and cyclists, it looks like Manhattan. They just surge into the street randomly, brazenly, knowing that no motorist would mow down 20 walkers at once.

**********************************************************************
The Jeep Liberty wins the coveted Worst SUV Ever award. I mean the only good thing about SUVs is the space, right? Luggage space and leg-room? It has none. Our luggage barely fit; backpacks and things had to be carried on laps. Backseat as cramped as my Chevy Cavalier-- a compact car. (Luckily as the Chief Navigator I rode shotgun most of the trip.) On top of that the thing had the child-safety locks set on the back doors, so nobody could get out of the back seat until somebody came around and opened the door from the outside. This went on for a day and a half, until we figured out how to unset that feature.

**********************************************************************
Spending 86 million consecutive hours with my family makes me crazy. Crazy. We do better with moderation, not with flying together, eating together,

***********************************************************************

Under the right circumstances and with enough wine, my family will dance. With each other. In public. I'm scared to see the wedding videos.

***********************************************************************

If my entire family has entered an art museum and I wander away to contemplate some paintings in silence, my mom will call my cellphone to ask if I'm okay. Where am I? Did I get lost? Spending more than 1 day with us makes her forget that KK and I are 23 and 25, not 3 and 5. I guess it's sweet really.

***********************************************************************

We barely made it onto the plane back in time. You know what I said about the Jeep Liberty? It goes double for Thrifty rental car company--don't use them if you can help it. When you live in Dallas, it's easy to forget what a great airport we have. Clean, modern, well-laid out. Up-to-date systems, efficient equipment. We just take it for granted until dealing with some old crumbling structure filled with catatonic personnel. Like, I don't know, Chicago O'Hare?

*************************************************************************

I got in trouble with Mom for stopping to talk to the handler of one of the bomb-sniffing dogs. But it was the most beautiful German Shepherd--long haired-- and they were still putting their shoes back on...

The handlers are actually the dogs' owners; they take them home at night and spend all day and night with them. Like pets, but pets that deter drug traffickers and terrorists.

A Few Pictures

that Don took on his interview trip. This is apparently this wall downtown where people can write things in chalk.

A really nice tree for rent. Seems to come with a house behind it.

Shots of the "downtown" area.

Don got the job. We're moving.






Aaaaack.

Shopping Victory (or, Plundering the Village)

I have shopped, and I am triumphant. Hear me roar about my shoes and miscellany, for in 2 and 1/2 hours I have bought it all, with no snags or dilemmas. I have pushed through crowds, pawed through jeans, and have waged war with one of those shopping carts that constantly tries to turn right. Purchased: 2 pairs of high-heeled shoes; one black and semi-casual, one bronzy metallic fancy, for the wedding and its dress rehearsal. They go with the dresses. They will let me tower over my brother one last time before he grows so tall that even high heels won't tip the scales. Purchased: 2 pairs of jeans, 2 t-shirts, and 1 terry hoodie jacket at Old Navy, because it's right next door to DSW and I felt ambitious after the shoes, and because my wardrobe has been quietly falling to pieces in the last year. Purchased: 70 dollars worth of miscellaneous stuff at Target, including but not limited to mascara, eye-makeup, 2 nail polishes, toiletry bag, cute little travel-sized thingies, and an eye-lash curler, because I lost mine somehow.

Excerpts:

1. I love Old Navy. I know it's cheap, bourgeois, and filled with teenagers and soccer moms, but I don't care. It's great for someone like me who has no money and little interest in clothing, but can't wander around naked and therefore needs somewhere to buy clothing.

2. I am "long waisted", which means that upon inspection my torso is weirdly long and my legs are short. This means that I look really weird in low-waisted pants, and in high-waisted pants. But Old Navy has something they call 'just below waist' that makes me look half-way in balance.

3. To Girls in Dressing Rooms Everywhere: the dress-size you are is not the one you can squeeeeeze yourself into, but the one that fits you the best. Nobody but you and your mom need to know what number is printed on the tag, you can even cut it off. But everybody will notice the bits and rolls of you that hang out of too-small clothing because you refuse to admit that maybe you're more of a 12 than an 8. Squeezed flesh never looks good.

4. For the first time ever I will not be travelling with all my toiletries in a Ziploc baggie. I feel very adult, having a toiletry bag, with little plastic bottles to fill with shampoo and conditioner, and a little holder for a bar of soap.

Don says that I would ABSOLUTELY LOVE Charlottesville. He pointed out numerous distinctions, including college kids with dreadlocks; anti-Bush signage; a lack of groomed front yards and a surplus of messy gardens; downtown cafes that provide water-bowls for dogs; street musicians; a lone anti-war demonstrator wearing a sandwich board; the availability of Magic Hat beer (a Vermont thing); numerous coffee shops that aren't Starbucks; a gelato place; a lack of people yabbering on cell-phones; the fact that he could wander around for 4 hours on foot. Among other things.

What can I say, he and I have unusual parameters for judging a place. I hope he gets the job. I hope he takes the job if they offer it. I'm still scared shitless.

Ramble

Don's in Virginia now, to be interviewed this weekend. It's entirely possible that we will actually move, which is weird to me. One funny thing is that he's not necessarily going to take the job if it's offered; the pay has to be right, and the company has to pay for relocation etc. Funny, because I've never been in a position to negotiate during a job interview: it's always me really needing a position and the interviewers asking me questions. I've never looked for a better job while already having a really good one.

So he's gone for the weekend, and next weekend I'm in Chicago, and if we move then he'll be there for a long time before me. A lot of separation happening here.

Work went well probably because I got some sleep last night, finally. Thank you, makers of the beloved Benedryll that makes people sleep and fixes their allergies all at once. We have a new assistant manager-in-training from California, who complimented us on our ability to get out the door after closing. About 2:30 we all sort of wake up and start getting stuff done so that we'll leave at 3, right after we lock the doors-- who doesn't have the motivation to leave as early as possible on Saturday afternoon? Her comment surprised me.

I need to buy some shoes and stuff for the wedding but I'm terrified of Tax-Free weekend shopping. I may put it off until Wednesday, but then what if I don't find anything? Ack help. Why wasn't I born with the ubiquitous female shopping gene that makes women actually enjoy things like shoe-shopping? It seems to be missing!

Couch Monster and the sleep deprivation

It turns out that Don and I have a Couch Monster. It goes with our Laundry Fairy and the Kitchen Gremlin, I guess. The Couch Monster is responsible for that phenomenon in which somebody stays on the couch to read/ watch TV/ be online/ watch a movie/ play a video game/ whatever instead of dragging his/her rear off to bed, so that instead of turning in at a responsible, healthy 10:00 or 10:30 one finds oneself still goofing about at midnight or later, missing the valuable sleep that will make the next day productive or even liveable. Bad Couch Monster, it got me good last night.

So I didn't get enough sleep and did really stupid things all day, like this: Went through the Starbucks drive-thru on the way to work. Paid in cash, got my change, drove away. Got about 3/4 of the way to work and reached for my caffeine at a red light only to discover that it's not there. I actually drove away before they handed me my drink... I had to turn around and drive back to get it, where they were all laughing at me, which made me late for work. The alternative--going without coffee on 5 hours of sleep-- was unthinkable. The worst part was that when I realized the coffee wasn't in my cup holder I kept looking for it, like maybe I set it on the back seat or the dashboard or something. And all that was before 7 in the morning... my day was stupid.

Don and I have agreed to rescue each other from the Couch Monster and drag the victim to bed regardless of protestation, to prevent days like this.

Went to dinner with my family at this cool Japanese place where they prepare the food right in front of you with much flamboyance. It was fun. We also stopped by Borders on the way home (a natural activity for my family) and I got to talk to Ben for a bit which was something of a relief--I'd felt lately like he'd been mad at me, or avoiding me or something. Apparently not the case, though, thankfully. I found him pinned in the music department by my Dad, who asks arcane, complicated questions about classical music and doesn't understand why they can't unwrap a CD for him to listen to in the store and decide on later. Poor Ben.

Common Ground

Seen on the back of a car on my commute home:

Frodo Failed: Bush Has the Ring

And, the decal for the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

It was a Honda Civic, of course.

*******************************************
The link to my essay at Leaky Lounge:

http://www.the-leaky-cauldron.org/#scribbulus:issues

Hint: it's the one about Quidditch